Wednesday, March 19, 2003

everybody wants to be in love. they think it's all about holding hands, tender kisses, warm hugs... i used to think so too. until my boyfriend told me he wanted somebody else.
i got over that. found a new guy who was oh so wonderful. then i made a mistake. but we stayed together. and then he told me he wanted somebody else.
nobody tells you that it will hurt this bad. even the most hardened cynic's description of pain pales when you actually feel your heart shrivel up and die. nobody tells you that you will tremble so bad it would be hell trying to unclench your hand from around the steering wheel of your car so you can change gears. nobody tells you that every time your cell phone rings your heart will pound with the strongest desire that it will be him, all the while knowing that it is not. nobody tells you that you will wake up in the middle of the night crying because you feel so unwanted and ugly. or that you will abandon your bed and sleep elsewhere because memories haunt you.
nobody tells you anything. so when the pain comes, it kicks you in the teeth and renders you helpless.
or maybe somebody told you. nobody told me.