Pilipinas kong mahal

i ate too much during lunch so i decided to walk to the mediation center from the office. it was a good 15 minute walk, no mean feat when you consider the tiny heels supporting my not-so-tiny-food-enhanced frame.

borce went with me and during the walk we noticed several posters mounted on the inside of the establishments lining session road. it said "Pilipinas kong Mahal" or loosely (i think) "Philippines my Love." i prefer My Beloved Philippines.

it struck me in its simplicity. i considered it a bonus that there is absolutely nothing written on the front or back indicating which agency, government or otherwise, had the posters and stickers printed out and distributed.

it got me thinking. i have had my share of statements along the lines of "hay, pilipino kasi," or "ang mga pinoy talaga," always in the same exasperated and frustrated tone. i have also had my share of "why can't we be like the __________ (insert nationality here)?."

but i also have instances when i get frustrated, i get pissed, and i just want to get up and just strangle someone and say nakakahiya ka, pinoy ka pa naman.

often i feel the misery and fear of living here. to think that i am gainfully employed, and i have food and shelter. i don't have to worry about what i will eat tomorrow or the next day, or even next week. but i feel the misery, albeit vicariously, and i see it everyday.

when my high school classmate sam asked me why i don't leave this forsaken place (his words, not mine), i said "mahal ko pa ang pilipinas, but ask me again in 2 years" and we both left it at that.

when i saw the posters i got struck a bit and felt almost weepy. that's it. that's why i'm still here. (but like i said, ask me again in 2 years.:)

in the meantime, suffice it to say that the poster stirred up very deeply rooted feelings of pride and nationalism. i wouldn't go so far as to say that it stirred me enough to take a big bolo and take a swipe at the head of... let's not go there. it stirred me.

well, enough to have my picture taken at least. so here it is. "Pilipinas kong Mahal"

Daywalker

finally. i'm back in the land of the daywalkers.

for those who didn't know, i had a stint with a call center for the past 5 months. i now have a newfound respect for people who have been working the graveyard shift for more than 2 weeks because really, it almost did me in. but the agents kept going, and i couldn't help but admire it.

i thought i was going to get used to it but no such luck.

so now here i am. awake during daylight, and i look forward to sleeping at night.

and i have decided to go back to blogging. (as of press time, this is my decision.)

see you all.

greed

i have never understood it. i've seen it but i have never understood it.

and the fact that i see it in my family galls me more than i can ever explain.

sangandaan

kaya mong maging dakila

video courtesy of tado

hanggang sa susunod na red horse, noe.

noe tio, june 26, 1961 - february 11, 2008

it all happened so fast. last saturday, february 2, noe, chris, and i were out celebrating chris's birthday.

february 9, 2008, i was on my way to la union to celebrate my nephew's second birthday when chris called me to say that noe had suffered a stroke and was due for a CT scan and surgery.

i came back the next day and went straight to the hospital. noe was in bad shape. so i said my goodbyes and left. he died a few hours later. i visited him at the morgue. he was still warm. pardon me if i seem a bit morbid.

we hung around a while, me with my laptop (i had a hearing at 830), bebang with all her bags in tow (she just came from manila), chris with a smoke and a bottle of water.

he was such a happy soul. i didn't know where he was from, i didn't know his history, i didn't even know how old he was. but it didn't matter because when he was with you you didn't need to know these things. all you needed to know was that he made your soul smile.

noe, mamimiss kita. sayang, hindi ka pa naman seloso. pabaunan kita ng red horse.

*image courtesy of www.joeyayala.com

UP at 100

ripped from Karen.

1. Student number?
92-40603

2. College?
UP Diliman -- College of Engineering (1st 3 years)
-- Office of the University Registrar (hahahah! non-major ako eh.)
-- College of Home Economics
UP Diliman -- College of Law

3. Ano ang course mo?
BS Geodetic Engineering (na-dismiss), B Interior Design; Bachelor of Laws

4. Nag-shift ka ba o na-kickout?
Ah, yes.

5. Saan ka kumuha ng UPCAT?
UP Baguio College Auditorium.

6. Favorite GE subject?
Communication I & II

7. Favorite PE?
Fencing and Arnis

8. Saan ka nag-aabang ng hot guy sa UP?
Sa Sunken Garden. Nung may wall climbing pa sa Main Lib. Butt-watching.

9. Favorite prof(s)
Professor Florendo as Interior Design.

Deans Agabin and Carlota, Prof. Baviera and Prof. Muyot sa Law.

10. Pinaka-ayaw na GE subject.
NatSci 1. Buset.

11. Kumuha ka ba ng Wed or Sat classes?
Rarely.

12. Nakapag-field trip ka ba?
But of course! Naiwanan pa nga ako ng bus.

13. Naging CS ka na ba or US sa UP?
CS pag walang sciences. :))

14. Ano ang Org/Frat/Soro mo?
UP volleyball club. Saver. UPVVC

15. Saan ka tumatambay palagi?
Sa rooftop ng Yia hall. Sunken. Oval. Minsan sa lagoon. :P

16. Dorm, Boarding house, o Bahay?
Dorm, boarding house, at bahay.

17. Kung walang UPCAT test at malaya kang nakapili ng kurso mo sa UP, ano yun?
Marine Biology. Tanga lang kasi ako at di ko alam na merong ganung course.

18. Sino ang pinaka-una mong nakilala sa UP?
Roommate ko sa Kalayaan. Si Dimps. AKA Rumi.

19. First play na napanood mo sa UP?
Taos. Panalo itong play na ito.

20. Name the 5 most conyo orgs in UP
Wala akong alam sa mga ganyan eh.

21. Name 5 of the coolest orgs/frats/soro in UP.
Pwede ba coolest people na lang?

22. May frat/soro bang nag-recruit sa yo?
Yep.

23. Saan ka madalas mag-lunch?
UP Diliman -- Beach House. Casaa. Rodic's. At ang sari-saring Aristocart sa campus.

24. Masaya ba sa UP?
Best years of my life.

25. Nakasama ka na ba sa rally?
Syempre naman.

26. Ilang beses ka bumoto sa Student Council
Taon-taon.

27. Name at least 5 leftist groups in UP
Sus naman.

28. Pinangarap mo rin bang mag-laude nung freshman ka?
A oo. Nanatili syang pangarap.

29. Kanino ka pinaka-patay sa UP?
Hmmm. Nung college, si Wen. Nung wala na kami, si 'Ny.


30. Kung di ka UP, anong school ka?
Di ko alam. Since high school, UP or nothing ako eh. Buti na lang pumasa ako dun.

--------------------------------

wala lang.

took the 430 pm bus from manila yesterday. veteran traveler that i am i had a blanket with me, a bonnet, a warm sweater, and thick socks in my bag for back up.

it was still warm when we left manila but i had a blanket out. to my surprise, the young lady beside me had a blanket too, which made me smile. we got comfortable and as i am wont to do when i travel, i slept.

the bus got colder as the night wore on. at some point i took my socks out and wore them, and covered my head with the blanket because it was freezing in the bus. with all my covering i was still cold and i could feel my face getting colder by the minute.

i took a quick glance around the bus and saw this guy and his girlfriend, huddled against the cold. i couldn't help but tsk tsk when i saw that the guy had no jacket on, and the girl was wearing a tiny thin windbreaker, which is useless in mobile freezers like the one we were in.

i felt a tinge of envy, though, because frankly, i would have preferred a warm body to snuggle up to. instead, i had my winter clothing keeping me warm.

oh well, at the end of the trip he was still freezing, and i was a bit warm. can't win 'em all.

badong, the latest victim

sab told me about teddy te's post.

my first reaction was, 'tangnang mga 'to.

wasn't it bad enough that under raul's deanship the better professors left the college? wasn't it bad enough that they put dean agabin on instructor status?. wasn't it bad enough that they installed professors who had no idea what "teaching" entailed?

dean badong is well loved. he taught us so well that even now, off the top of my head, i can answer questions about public office and administrative law. we have such fond memories of his stories in class, of him whistling "stella by starlight," of him teaching us what it was to be good by example, all the while teaching law in the grand manner.

these professors make me almost ashamed to be from the same college. the only saving grace is that people like badong and agabin come from the same place. like someone once said "up law has had its share of heroes and scoundrels."

go figure under which category those people on the public statement fall under.

do the math

the government subsidy for each inmate in the city jail is 10 pesos or roughly .23 cents per day.

that covers their food and who knows what else.

10 pesos for 3 meals. 3.33 pesos per meal.

i couldn't even begin to imagine living on that kind of budget.

get this. inmates are charged 10 pesos for every call they make or take. if their lawyers need to call them 3 times in 1 day, they pay 30 pesos.

i'm just a lawyer. mahina ako sa math. pero 'nyeta naman. kahit ako kaya kong i-compute yan. at kahit paano ko bali-baliktarin ang mga numero, hindi tatama.

what a fucked up system.

all work and no play...

makes you, well, you.

hmm. you probably don't even read this, but i suppose it's applicable to all workaholics out there.

you miss meals, breaks with your colleagues, and only manage to squeeze in coffee and cigarette breaks. you stay in the office late, you wear a permanent frown, you have practically cut yourself off from the rest of the living world.

but you know what? work will always be there. it will never go away. when you wake up tomorrow, it will be there waiting for you. you may manage to make a dent in your work load, but it will still be there.

but life? life is passing you by.

don't let it.

i'd take the jugs over the fox any day

"The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" is commonly believed to be the only English sentence devised to include all the letters of the alphabet. However, typesetters and designers have alternatively employed "Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs."

-www.arcamax.com

the last time i checked...

i was still pinoy. so why is it that i've been receiving mails from people who claim to have added me as a friend on siliconindia which claims to be, and i quote:

"an invite-only career Indian community. You can use SiliconIndia to find a job or internship, network, and access valuable career information from peers and industry professionals."

what's this world coming to?

overheard

man 1: pang-ilan ka sa pamilya?
man 2: ah. second...second to the first.

what is my second language?

i was making burger patties earlier when i overheard a tv patrol host reporting about some guy named kimmel who made another comment about the Philippines. according to the report, this abc host said that filipinos probably don't speak english. you can read about that here.

i was taken aback. it's nothing new, really. i've heard this comment so many times, couched in different tones and tenors, and accompanied by various expressions. i have found myself explaining why i speak not just english, but GOOD english, all the time feeling outrage that these idiots who probably speak and write lousy english dare ask the question. (it's my blog. :D)

it's nothing new. but i was taken aback because for the the past 6 weeks i have been lamenting that my nephews and niece speak lousy TAGALOG. or as it's referred to now -- filipino. oh, they have the english language down pat, with one of them even using the word "minions" in an ordinary conversation.

i get pissed at the teachers who berate the children for speaking filipino. i get on my sister's case because she insists on talking to her children in english, even when they're at home. they probably couldn't speak filipino to save their lives.

and it's not just my sister's children. i see it everywhere. children who speak perfect english but who get tongue-tied when you ask them what "kisame" means.

where does that leave us?

english is our medium of instruction. according to our constitution, our national language is FILIPINO, but "for purposes of COMMUNICATION and INSTRUCTION, the official languages of the Philippines are Filipino and, until otherwise provided by law, English."

communication and instruction. filipino and english. it says "and" in the constitution. so why is it that schools employ one to the exclusion of the other? parents use one to the exclusion of the other.

why am i writing this in english?

shameful as it is to admit, i think in english. and i write english better than i do filipino. but like most from my generation, english was spoken in school, filipino at home (or ilocano for most of my classmates). it was an okay arrangement, i suppose. i mean, i still speak filipino well (and a smattering of ilocano), and i CAN write in filipino to save my life.

so why aren't things the same now? why does my niece's ate try so hard to speak english even though "look here" comes out as "look to here" or "shrimp" ends up as "shrim."

why?

i know my first language should be filipino, if not ilocano since i am from baguio. but i don't have the same confidence in my filipino speaking abilities as that of my english speaking skills.

going back to my opening paragraph, why did that kimmel comment not generate the same outrage as teri hatcher's comments about filipino doctors?

is it because it's true? is it because the so-called text speak is killing our language abilities (this is totally off topic, ano?). is it because we know that our english is declining, and in my opinion, so is our filipino.

so many questions generated by one comment overheard.

i laid down a policy in the house that the kids should only speak filipino when they are here. they are having a very difficult time of it, and mostly i relent when they talk to me in english.

i guess sometimes i would rather hear them speak english instead of having to listen to them murder the filipino language.

what is my first language?