death is a strange thing. for those who are directly affected, life suddenly stops. meetings cancelled, deadlines extended, occasions forgotten.
but really, life goes on. it is the height of arrogance to presume that the world will stop turning because your little world has stopped. and yet you find yourself resenting the fact that things move on, that friends go to parties, eat out, have fun. no amount of logic will dissuade you from feeling cheated, abandoned, and well, left behind.
the world kept turning when daddy died. court hearings continued, pleadings got filed, meetings proceeded as scheduled. i tried to work at the funeral home but still, it was just half my brain working.
today is the first time that i went to the office since daddy died. try as i may to focus, i find my mind straying, and as i am wont to do when my mind strays, i write. it helps me retain my focus.
so here i am, trying to get back in the saddle, so to speak.
***
of course, no matter how difficult it was for us to keep on going, some creatures found this time perfect to backbite my dad.
daddy, who always covered his tracks, now has a battery of lawyers to protect him, even in death. we would have left you bastards alone in your pathetic misery, but you chose to do this. we have the law on our side, the know-how, the resources, the contacts, and we have daddy's genes running in our veins. and yes, mommy's too. i'd be very afraid if i were you.
i regret being nice to you during daddy's wake, had i known that at the time you were already planning on destroying daddy's good name. i regret knowing you. i feel disgusted at having been physically in touch with you. i resent that you are in this world, you undeserving assholes who have caused all who cared for you misery and heartbreak. i resent that you are alive, and daddy is not.
you are going to regret this, i promise you.
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