let this remain untitled

this afternoon i was having a text conversation with my ex's older sister. i told her to come over to baguio since she always looks for me when she's here. but as luck would have it, we never get to meet up. so i told her to come up to baguio. it is only a 45 minute bus ride after all.

anyway, her reply was: "baba ka na lang daw sabi ni papa. dito na tayo inom. maghahanda kami ng pulutan."

i thought about it. it would be nice to visit. it's been over a year since i last visited that house. but then again, i decided it wouldn't be a good idea.

i mean, i know i'm welcome. i don't think i will ever be unwelcome in that house. i practically grew up with that family (been hanging out with them since i was 15). i'm ninang to several babies, (and will be again next year) , they've seen me gain and lose weight and gain it back again (plus some more). point being, i've known them long enough.

all that aside, there's something missing. the sense of belonging is gone. i can't just up and go there and plunk myself down on their sofa.

i'm little better than a stranger now, i suppose.

but these things happen. malungkot. pero ganyan talaga.

so i guess i won't be going there. except maybe for the occasional "hi" on my way to the beach.

she's just going to have to come up. :)

...

it's finally over. and that's all i'm going to say about that.

my new toy

got a new toy from my sister. it's a pocket pc!!!!

haven't explored it to my satisfaction yet but so far we've had a good working relationship. he recognizes my handwriting, and i keep him charged and dust free. fair deal, i should think.

can't wait to figure out all its capabilities. :) now to get a keyboard.

murphy day

we all know about murphy's law. what can go wrong will go wrong in any given situation. yep. murphy's law.

well i had a murphy day today. went to the exams and found out i left my civil code at the hotel. sigh. it was okay. i had something else to read.

when i got to my exam room i discovered i didn't have my permit. it was hanging inside a plastic thingie around my neck. one end open. i put my pens in there too. alas. they were not there. permit and pens, gone.

i retraced my steps and found nothing. talked to the guards, they found nothing. to my credit i was calm and collected the whole time except sweat was running in rivers in the nooks and crevices of my body. it was freakin hot!

anyways, was able to secure a temporary permit. so i took the exam and probably failed it. but like i said, i was calm and collected the whole time. that should count for something.

on a happier note, my dad took us out to shakey's. yey! garlic and cheese thin crust, spaghetti and garlic bread, fried chicken and coke. my breath smelled bad, but i felt good. :)

post birthday blues

before anything else, let me mention that the place smells like burning wires. my sister was fiddling with the cord of her lamp and it went kaboom on her. it plain stinks in here.

~~~~~~~~
i'm 29.

went to an insurance company yesterday to claim my something or other freebie. of course they took the opportunity to try to sell me something. they made such a big deal about me being 29 and single.

first, they didn't believe i was 29 (salespeople. they will flatter you at every turn). then they didn't believe i wasn't married with kids. (bordering on insult. do i look like i've had kids already????) finally they didn't believe i don't have a boyfriend (ma'am with your looks.... like i said, salespeople).

am i past the marrying age? or the childbearing age? i don't think so. what's the hype all about? why do they look at you funny when you're 29, beautiful and single? (ahem)

i am sure there are a lot of people similarly situated. i'm sure they often get asked when they plan to marry, whether they are with a current significant other or not. i know i get asked a lot.

i don't really mind. most of the time. specially if the person asking is particularly dear to me, or obviously well-meaning, without any mean undertones. i simply answer that it'll come, someday. all in good time.

but then sometimes even i don't believe that statement. perhaps the biggest reason why i detest being asked is that even as i give a flip answer, even as i smile and shrug, i am asking the same question.

what if there's no one out there for me? or what if i met him already and i let him go by? what if i pushed him away without knowing i was? or worse, what if somebody else found him already?

i know these questions have no answers. perhaps only the Big Guy Up There has the answers.

still, knowing these questions have no answers does not stop me from asking them.

i don't know. i'm rambling on and on.

sometimes i want to be back in a relationship again. i want the warmth of somebody's arms. i want those hugs that make me feel special. i want to be kissed. i want someone to turn to when i'm deliriously happy, or terribly sad. i want to feel that he is near, even when he's cities away. i want those quiet drives, the comfortable silences, the loving stillness. no words necessary.

or maybe i don't want them. maybe i just miss all these.

all these maybes. i guess i'm just lonely. birthdays do this to me. year after year.

check back in next year. maybe i'll be typing in a different tune.

in the meantime, i'll post the ad that's printed on my shirt that i got from tibs.

"WANTED: dangerously

handsome man. must

like horses, have money,

and look good in jeans.

will train."

7 of 9 i'm not

my friend l was here last month and he had this cool software in his 6600. it warps faces. the two pictures below are products of that software.

i forget which is supposed to be the alien version of me and which is the professor look. which is which? hell i don't know. but man, i ain't pretty. so cool though. good for laughs.

this takes the cake

celebrated my birthday a couple of weeks ago and my sister got me this cake. thought it would be a kick to post it.

it is kinda cute. :)

double bummer

called up hp and found out that they don't support my notebook model. which means that if i have it serviced there, it will only be under best efforts because they have to outsource it. and get this - it will cost a minimum of P25,000.00. newsflash: JOBLESS.

hate this. i hate having to borrow a computer just so i can check mail. i hate not being able to access the data in my computer. i hate it that i can only use my laptop now as a cd player.

of course i could hook it up to the tv again. but then it would probably kill my already highly myopic eyes because the tv is old and is not a very good monitor. i'll probably end up spending more just to have my eyes fixed.

a couple of friends suggested that i go buy myself a flat screen tv and just use the laptop as a desktop. the idea is becoming more attractive by the day.

i should stop complaining no? study na ko.

how to get out of getting a ticket

my sister and her friend went to dagupan.  they got hailed by a traffic enforcer because the girl driving wasn't wearing a seatbelt. here's what transpired:
 
driver: ano'ng offense namin?
traffic guy: ma'am wala kasi kayong seatbelt eh.
driver: (getting ready to make an escuse) kasi manong...
traffic  guy: buti pa yung buntis naka seatbelt (referring to my sister)
my sister: (flaring up, naturally) HINDI AKO BUNTIS! ANG OFFENSE MO, MASYADO KANG ASSUMING!
traffic guy: ah.... eh....
 
to make the long story short, they didn't get a ticket. but my sister was ready to kill. hehehe. moral of the story: lose that stomach!
 
 

bummer

the other day my laptop's lcd winked out on me. was pissed as hell. i was in the middle of working. my friend says the backlight probably gave up because if i looked really hard the desktop display is visible.
 
needed to send some mail out so here i am. hooked up the laptop to the tv. it's a little difficult to type looking at the tv. not to mention a strain on my neck. sigh.
 
plus the added expense of having the part replaced. sigh. sigh. sigh.  just when i quit my job. sigh.

jobless

i have joined the ranks of the unemployed (again).
 
it's tough, knowing i have to study again, and knowing i'm going to have to cut down on my expenses. which means no going to bookstores for the next 3 months at least. i have decided to just live on my savings because i don't want to burden my parents again.
 
it's just as well that i'm the type who would rather cook than eat out. i'm not a shopping person either. i just like to go get books. since i've been going on a book buying rampage, i think i still have books to tide me over till october.
 
i just hope i was able to save enough. but hey, now is the time to find out how creative i can be when i have no more cash in my pocket. maybe i'll just submit my stories and see which one gets published (tricky, since most of my stories are either morbid or horribly sad).
 
so there. good luck to me. :)
 
 

smoke and mirrors

got this from r last wednesday. i'm smiling like an idiot.
 

a vindication of sorts

renewed my license yesterday. and i must say, it is undoubtedly the best looking license picture i have ever seen in my entire life.
 
good thing too. when i went to get the drug test the girl at the center asked if i was married already. kasi daw ang payat-payat ko dun sa license ko.  baka daw nag-asawa na kasi ako. syet.
 
so when i went to get my license i was tired, hot, and depressed. i just sat there to have my picture taken and the guy behind the booth was making gestures telling me to fix my hair and remove my glasses.
 
when i got my license i was expecting all i felt to show. lo and behold. i looked damned good. :)
 
will post my license picture when i get the chance. in the meantime i intend to show it to all and sundry. fat or not, i look good.
 
 

this made my day

jumped over to renski's blog. she made a link to this blog because she almost fell off her chair laughing.

i almost fell off too. check it out. i'm sure it will make yours.

back to work.

whew!

i will never, ever, cut things close again. when it comes to the number coding, that is.

left the house at 6:15. traffic was (still is) BAAAAAAD. i had to get gas along edsa and the guy took ages, too. by the time i got out of the gas station it was 6:35. i was still near abs-cbn.

susmaryosep ang puso ko. somewhere along the stretch going to ortigas, an mmda guy on a motorcycle started tailing me. my heart almost stopped. if anybody encountered a silver car weaving in and out of traffic with an mmda guy behind the car, that was me. my panic was all for nothing. i found out that he wasn't after me pala. or he decided i wasn't worth the morning stress and he went on his merry way.

i got lucky. there were no other mmda guys along the road (except along the bus stops)and none in makati. traffic was still manageable in makati.

parked at 7:19. whew. whew. whew. said a quick prayer of thanks.

my life is screwed up at the moment but heck, lab pa rin ako ni papa jesus.