yesterday was a slightly hectic day, with a regular hearing, a grievance hearing, and a consultation, on top of other deadlines.
a friend from manila also arrived and we had coffee.
nonetheless, it was a productive day.
today is... well today is tuesday and it's dreary. with rains coming down in the middle of march (can anybody say climate change???) it's become a slow, sleepy, tuesday afternoon.
the coffee refuses to wake me up.
zzz
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Monday, March 11, 2013
coming home
first time to drive by myself from manila to baguio. considering that i traveled during the day it was a pretty light trip.
i enjoyed the drive. only a few trucks on the road, and a little more than few idiots with driver's licenses. it helped that i had a playlist for driving. familiar songs kept me company, and i didn't even feel the 5+ hours on the road.
it was cold when i got home and i realized how much i miss our house. the bank of windows, the humongous round table, the wooden... everything. this had been a sanctuary for me, and i almost always feel at peace here.
of course it didn't help that the car's alarm decided to go wonky last night and engaged itself every hour or so. but, me being me, i fell asleep immediately as soon as my head hit the pillow.
and i feel daddy's presence here. comforting and secure. i do miss mommy though. but i will see her soon.
yes, it is good to be home.
i enjoyed the drive. only a few trucks on the road, and a little more than few idiots with driver's licenses. it helped that i had a playlist for driving. familiar songs kept me company, and i didn't even feel the 5+ hours on the road.
it was cold when i got home and i realized how much i miss our house. the bank of windows, the humongous round table, the wooden... everything. this had been a sanctuary for me, and i almost always feel at peace here.
of course it didn't help that the car's alarm decided to go wonky last night and engaged itself every hour or so. but, me being me, i fell asleep immediately as soon as my head hit the pillow.
and i feel daddy's presence here. comforting and secure. i do miss mommy though. but i will see her soon.
yes, it is good to be home.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
tipping point
when you see friends and family members being abused by their spouses you end up wondering how much more they will take. specially when it comes to psychological abuse. because really, i've gone beyond my own tipping point just witnessing things.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
downcast and dreary
woke up to a gray, rainy day.
it has been unbearably sunny the past few days, and sometimes it was more than i could take. i guess there are just some days when you want the weather to just go with your mood.
several chapters closed. there's a mood damper for you.
it has been unbearably sunny the past few days, and sometimes it was more than i could take. i guess there are just some days when you want the weather to just go with your mood.
several chapters closed. there's a mood damper for you.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
missing mommy
since daddy died i had been mommy's constant companion. we slept on the same bed and i rearranged my life practically so i could be with her.
some friends asked if this seemed like a burden to me, a question which surprises me no end because i genuinely enjoy spending time with mommy. but then again, not all moms are like mommy, i guess.
mommy is just as crazy, if not crazier, as i am. we would spend hours watching tv, or playing games on our respective ipads, or just talk. we would look at each other and laugh, getting the joke immediately.
she became my travel buddy, and we flew to europe, japan, and the US together, having a blast at airport lounges and comparing notes on the travel amenities of the different airlines.
i brought her to the US last year so she can get her permanent resident status, in preparation for citizenship. but i had to go back for work early this year, leaving mommy behind with my sister.
i miss her. it has been 36 days since i left the US. it seems longer. this is the longest i have been away from her since april 2011. i guess i feel out of sorts.
thank heavens for technology. we spoke yesterday via video call. it was my nephew's 7th birthday and it was pirate themed.
some friends asked if this seemed like a burden to me, a question which surprises me no end because i genuinely enjoy spending time with mommy. but then again, not all moms are like mommy, i guess.
mommy is just as crazy, if not crazier, as i am. we would spend hours watching tv, or playing games on our respective ipads, or just talk. we would look at each other and laugh, getting the joke immediately.
she became my travel buddy, and we flew to europe, japan, and the US together, having a blast at airport lounges and comparing notes on the travel amenities of the different airlines.
i brought her to the US last year so she can get her permanent resident status, in preparation for citizenship. but i had to go back for work early this year, leaving mommy behind with my sister.
i miss her. it has been 36 days since i left the US. it seems longer. this is the longest i have been away from her since april 2011. i guess i feel out of sorts.
thank heavens for technology. we spoke yesterday via video call. it was my nephew's 7th birthday and it was pirate themed.
unplugging
today is the start of the chinese new year. according to their calendar, it is the year of the water snake.
i suppose it is as good a time as any to revisit my blog, particularly since i've decided to be done with facebook, twitter, and instagram. at least for now.
i am tired of social media. i'm going back to the old school way of keeping in touch. well, maybe not old school. just the regular use of a phone and email.
my current phone is quite helpful as it is an old iphone 3g that does not allow the installation of apps because its operating system is quite old. that suits my mood just fine.
who knows, maybe one of these days i'll just deactivate all my accounts altogether. we'll see.
i suppose it is as good a time as any to revisit my blog, particularly since i've decided to be done with facebook, twitter, and instagram. at least for now.
i am tired of social media. i'm going back to the old school way of keeping in touch. well, maybe not old school. just the regular use of a phone and email.
my current phone is quite helpful as it is an old iphone 3g that does not allow the installation of apps because its operating system is quite old. that suits my mood just fine.
who knows, maybe one of these days i'll just deactivate all my accounts altogether. we'll see.
Saturday, September 08, 2012
a blog resurrected
it's been almost a year since i last posted on my blog. breifly considered deactivating it but i couldn't do it so i just let it be for a while.
the recent turn of events, however, pushed me to revisit my blog and start posting again.
what turn of events? tito sotto. and his idiocy.
first he lifts passages from a blog. had he admitted it was a mistake and apologized for it, the issue would have been over, and we would all have gone back to our regular programming. but no. he had to make all these statements, courtesy of his chief of staff:
copying a blog is not plagiarism. a blog is public domain. even if it is plagiarism, he is covered by parliamentary immunity. there is no law prohibiting plagiarism. it is not a crime.
naturally the blogging world went crazy. social media erupted with comments that ranged from total shock to incredulity to outright scorn. is this guy for real?
and it didn't stop there. he then claimed that he was a victim of cyberbullying and now wants to regulate blogging via a bill. talk about a waste of time and resources.
then he goes and translates a famous speech and claims it as his own. again, not plagiarism, he says.
ugh. this is too much. as a member of the senate he ought to know the bounds of what he can and cannot do. if not him, then his staff. if not them, his colleagues in the senate. it should not happen.
i am aware that i am barely coherent. all these thoughts want to come out, punctuated at every turn by *\}%^{*}€{~^>{~*>{~€>!!! frothing at the mouth would be a more appropriate description. naiinis ako eh.
i guess i should be thankful i was pushed to blog again. i guess.
the recent turn of events, however, pushed me to revisit my blog and start posting again.
what turn of events? tito sotto. and his idiocy.
first he lifts passages from a blog. had he admitted it was a mistake and apologized for it, the issue would have been over, and we would all have gone back to our regular programming. but no. he had to make all these statements, courtesy of his chief of staff:
copying a blog is not plagiarism. a blog is public domain. even if it is plagiarism, he is covered by parliamentary immunity. there is no law prohibiting plagiarism. it is not a crime.
naturally the blogging world went crazy. social media erupted with comments that ranged from total shock to incredulity to outright scorn. is this guy for real?
and it didn't stop there. he then claimed that he was a victim of cyberbullying and now wants to regulate blogging via a bill. talk about a waste of time and resources.
then he goes and translates a famous speech and claims it as his own. again, not plagiarism, he says.
ugh. this is too much. as a member of the senate he ought to know the bounds of what he can and cannot do. if not him, then his staff. if not them, his colleagues in the senate. it should not happen.
i am aware that i am barely coherent. all these thoughts want to come out, punctuated at every turn by *\}%^{*}€{~^>{~*>{~€>!!! frothing at the mouth would be a more appropriate description. naiinis ako eh.
i guess i should be thankful i was pushed to blog again. i guess.
Sunday, January 08, 2012
Friday, January 06, 2012
i wrote this for you
every once in a while i encounter prose or photos that "speak to me." perhaps i relate to them because they refer to situations that i have found myself in at one time or another, and they trigger memories, both good and bad. for one reason or another these works touch that soft spot in me and i go back to them again, and again, and again to feel that feeling again, and again, and again.
but none of these have been written for me. till now.
i wrote this for you, he says, and everyone else who reads it doesn't get it. and i say, yes.
i look at the photos and read all the words, and my heart smiles one minute and heaves a heavy heavy sigh the next, transported into another world where everything, even pain, is beautiful.
i take turns loving the book for saying all i feel, and hating it for saying all i feel. how could this book take my own emotions and express them more perfectly than i ever could? all those works that spoke to me pale in comparison.
the pictures that mean little to me at first glance make perfect sense when i read the words and each time it happens i cannot help feeling that somewhere in the universe something is clicking into place, its rightful place.
i wrote it for you inspires whimsy and brings wonder to ordinary places and things, and i find myself reaching out to touch the subject of a photo, forgetting that i am somewhere else entirely. i laugh a little at myself each time it happens, and that's always good.
it may do different things to you, inspire different emotions. i don't know, really. but i know one thing.
it was written for me, and only me. i get it.
but none of these have been written for me. till now.
i wrote this for you, he says, and everyone else who reads it doesn't get it. and i say, yes.
i look at the photos and read all the words, and my heart smiles one minute and heaves a heavy heavy sigh the next, transported into another world where everything, even pain, is beautiful.
i take turns loving the book for saying all i feel, and hating it for saying all i feel. how could this book take my own emotions and express them more perfectly than i ever could? all those works that spoke to me pale in comparison.
the pictures that mean little to me at first glance make perfect sense when i read the words and each time it happens i cannot help feeling that somewhere in the universe something is clicking into place, its rightful place.
i wrote it for you inspires whimsy and brings wonder to ordinary places and things, and i find myself reaching out to touch the subject of a photo, forgetting that i am somewhere else entirely. i laugh a little at myself each time it happens, and that's always good.
it may do different things to you, inspire different emotions. i don't know, really. but i know one thing.
it was written for me, and only me. i get it.
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Friday, December 23, 2011
yes.
saw this posted in the assistance lounge in the rome airport. posted with permission from the artist.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
holidays here i come!
well not really.
it's just that the last paper for the year is due in a few hours and i can finally catch up on my reading and writing and sleeping and baking and cooking and and and....the whole kaboodle.
yey! countdown.
it's just that the last paper for the year is due in a few hours and i can finally catch up on my reading and writing and sleeping and baking and cooking and and and....the whole kaboodle.
yey! countdown.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
getting back in the groove, and getting back at bottom-feeders
death is a strange thing. for those who are directly affected, life suddenly stops. meetings cancelled, deadlines extended, occasions forgotten.
but really, life goes on. it is the height of arrogance to presume that the world will stop turning because your little world has stopped. and yet you find yourself resenting the fact that things move on, that friends go to parties, eat out, have fun. no amount of logic will dissuade you from feeling cheated, abandoned, and well, left behind.
the world kept turning when daddy died. court hearings continued, pleadings got filed, meetings proceeded as scheduled. i tried to work at the funeral home but still, it was just half my brain working.
today is the first time that i went to the office since daddy died. try as i may to focus, i find my mind straying, and as i am wont to do when my mind strays, i write. it helps me retain my focus.
so here i am, trying to get back in the saddle, so to speak.
***
but really, life goes on. it is the height of arrogance to presume that the world will stop turning because your little world has stopped. and yet you find yourself resenting the fact that things move on, that friends go to parties, eat out, have fun. no amount of logic will dissuade you from feeling cheated, abandoned, and well, left behind.
the world kept turning when daddy died. court hearings continued, pleadings got filed, meetings proceeded as scheduled. i tried to work at the funeral home but still, it was just half my brain working.
today is the first time that i went to the office since daddy died. try as i may to focus, i find my mind straying, and as i am wont to do when my mind strays, i write. it helps me retain my focus.
so here i am, trying to get back in the saddle, so to speak.
***
Friday, April 22, 2011
the round table
it's good friday. as with all good fridays before this, there was fasting and abstinence. but unlike the previous good fridays, daddy's not here.
it's been 13 days since daddy left and i keep thinking he's just there, inside the room watching tv. it's just that he doesn't want to go out of the room. i keep expecting him to roll in on his scooter and join us for breakfast. or lunch. or dinner.
the other day we had a despedida for my sister jean. it was the first gathering at home since daddy died. his brothers were there, and his sister, with all the kids in tow. i felt such a pang when the stories began.
the center of our home is the round table. i think i've mentioned this before. we would gather around this magnificent round table which seemed to expand and shrink to accommodate the number of people sitting around it. this is where the big decisions are made. this is where we have long long conversations that begin with one meal, and end with the next. this is where we decide to not go to the next class, or not go back to work. this is where we have our best laughs, and the best food.
so last wednesday the brothers and the sister were gathered around the table and i kept expecting daddy to intrude upon the conversation and correct his siblings. i waited for his voice to cut in, full of laughter and derision sometimes. i waited, and i waited.
of course i knew it would not happen. but hearts are neither logical nor reasonable, mine particularly. my heart waited and i was so sure that if i listened earnestly and long enough i was almost certain i'd hear daddy's voice.
the round table is not the same without him.
dear dear daddy. daddy who left on his own terms. he picked the time to leave. he made sure mommy would not be alone, because after all, his brother and his sister in law were in the next suite. he made sure everyone was asleep. he had his favorite ice cream before he left. his last private duty nurse was already off duty. it was a holiday. of course he had to pick a holiday.
hay. my darling daddy. i know you're just there somewhere, listening in on the conversations we are having about you. now i have no secrets from you. patay! sigh. for as long as you don't tell mommy. :)
goodnight daddy. we miss you at the round table.
it's been 13 days since daddy left and i keep thinking he's just there, inside the room watching tv. it's just that he doesn't want to go out of the room. i keep expecting him to roll in on his scooter and join us for breakfast. or lunch. or dinner.
the other day we had a despedida for my sister jean. it was the first gathering at home since daddy died. his brothers were there, and his sister, with all the kids in tow. i felt such a pang when the stories began.
the center of our home is the round table. i think i've mentioned this before. we would gather around this magnificent round table which seemed to expand and shrink to accommodate the number of people sitting around it. this is where the big decisions are made. this is where we have long long conversations that begin with one meal, and end with the next. this is where we decide to not go to the next class, or not go back to work. this is where we have our best laughs, and the best food.
so last wednesday the brothers and the sister were gathered around the table and i kept expecting daddy to intrude upon the conversation and correct his siblings. i waited for his voice to cut in, full of laughter and derision sometimes. i waited, and i waited.
of course i knew it would not happen. but hearts are neither logical nor reasonable, mine particularly. my heart waited and i was so sure that if i listened earnestly and long enough i was almost certain i'd hear daddy's voice.
the round table is not the same without him.
dear dear daddy. daddy who left on his own terms. he picked the time to leave. he made sure mommy would not be alone, because after all, his brother and his sister in law were in the next suite. he made sure everyone was asleep. he had his favorite ice cream before he left. his last private duty nurse was already off duty. it was a holiday. of course he had to pick a holiday.
hay. my darling daddy. i know you're just there somewhere, listening in on the conversations we are having about you. now i have no secrets from you. patay! sigh. for as long as you don't tell mommy. :)
goodnight daddy. we miss you at the round table.
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