Friday, August 22, 2008

losing my sanity

it's been a rollercoaster couple of weeks. we had both major and minor events, the most major being my dad having a heart attack last monday.

last year while we were in europe my sister and i received a call from the philippines telling us that my dad needed a bypass. we were shocked. and helpless. and totally useless. i know i felt that way.

this year i felt it again. my dad had suffered a heart attack and my mom was in shock. as soon as i heard the news i stayed very calm and collected but the feelings of shock, helplessness, and uselessness were all there. i told my other sisters very quietly so as not to incite panic.

as i am wont to do when i'm worried or scared, i go to sleep. so i slept for about 5 hours midday and by the time i woke up, my dad had woken up too. the relief was so great i almost cried, but i still ended up cooking and cooking and cooking.

every now and then we come face to face with our parents' mortality. i know i have. but it's a totally different matter when you can't be there with them. i wanted to kick things, punch somebody, scream. but i kept my head last year, and i kept my head last monday.

why is it i always manage to stay sane when i have every right to lose it?

my dad's still under observation and my mom is back to her old self. but it's all good. i have a lot to be thankful for, and i am.

and for what it's worth, i'm thankful i didn't lose my sanity.


  1. "why is it i always manage to stay sane when i have every right to lose it?"

    Because you're a strong person. Sorry to hear about your dad. Hope he makes a full and speedy recovery.

    Funny about the cooking. I do that when I'm stressed, too. Or used to. Now I just devour 10 bags of potato chips. Large bags. :-P

  2. thanks gracie. :)

    as for potato chips, i tend to swoon by the second bag or so. see you soon!

  3. you've always been calm when things are tough. you're dad's going to be okay.

    hang in there. you'll be here soon.

  4. thanks abigail. :)

  5. Anonymous12:25 AM

    Will say prayers from here. Praying for everybody's recovery. Wag totopakin. :)