Friday, August 22, 2008

losing my sanity

it's been a rollercoaster couple of weeks. we had both major and minor events, the most major being my dad having a heart attack last monday.

last year while we were in europe my sister and i received a call from the philippines telling us that my dad needed a bypass. we were shocked. and helpless. and totally useless. i know i felt that way.

this year i felt it again. my dad had suffered a heart attack and my mom was in shock. as soon as i heard the news i stayed very calm and collected but the feelings of shock, helplessness, and uselessness were all there. i told my other sisters very quietly so as not to incite panic.

as i am wont to do when i'm worried or scared, i go to sleep. so i slept for about 5 hours midday and by the time i woke up, my dad had woken up too. the relief was so great i almost cried, but i still ended up cooking and cooking and cooking.

every now and then we come face to face with our parents' mortality. i know i have. but it's a totally different matter when you can't be there with them. i wanted to kick things, punch somebody, scream. but i kept my head last year, and i kept my head last monday.

why is it i always manage to stay sane when i have every right to lose it?

my dad's still under observation and my mom is back to her old self. but it's all good. i have a lot to be thankful for, and i am.

and for what it's worth, i'm thankful i didn't lose my sanity.

6 comments:

  1. "why is it i always manage to stay sane when i have every right to lose it?"

    Because you're a strong person. Sorry to hear about your dad. Hope he makes a full and speedy recovery.

    Funny about the cooking. I do that when I'm stressed, too. Or used to. Now I just devour 10 bags of potato chips. Large bags. :-P

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  2. thanks gracie. :)

    as for potato chips, i tend to swoon by the second bag or so. see you soon!

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  3. you've always been calm when things are tough. you're dad's going to be okay.

    hang in there. you'll be here soon.

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  4. thanks abigail. :)

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  5. Anonymous12:25 AM

    Will say prayers from here. Praying for everybody's recovery. Wag totopakin. :)

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