Monday, June 23, 2008

sagot kay psyche

centennial ng UP ngayong buwan na ito. nalaman ko lang ang totoong date dahil nagpunta ako sa UP nung wednesday para kumain ng rodic's. hindi makatarungan ang traffic. tapos nakita ko na may mga nakapaskil na poster na centennial nga ng up. ok. fine. u-turn kami.

anyway, nabasa ko ang post ni psyche kanina: bumibigat ang aking kaliwang kamao.

madami sigurong nakaka-relate, at isa na ako dun. actually medyo tinamaan ako eh.

pero napaisip ako. bakit nga ba ako nag-UP? naging anti-establishment ba ako talaga? samantalang ang nagpaaral sa akin ng ilang taon ay subsidy mula sa gobyerno dahil barangay kapitana ang nanay ko? at matapos nun, naging konsehal naman ang tatay ko?

bukod sa subsidy ng gobyerno sa bawat mag-aaral ng UP, sweldo ng mga magulang ko galing gobyerno. may karapatan ba ako noon na maging anti-establishment?

wala siguro. pero yung tanong na bakit ako nag-UP, madaling sagutin. gusto kong matuto.

at marami akong natutunan, kahit iskul bukol ako na nadi-dismiss sa college of engineering every sem, hanggang sa natuluyang nasipa nung end ng third year ko, at matinding himala at dasal ang nagpatapos sa akin sa law school. pero hindi lang academics ang natutunan ko sa UP. mas madami akong natutunan na alang kinalaman sa akademiya.

ang natutunan ko talaga sa UP:

1. ala talagang black and white
2. hindi lahat ng nasa gobyerno, kurakot
3. hindi lahat ng nasa NGO, honest
4. hindi lahat ng makabayan, mapagkakatiwalaan
5. hindi lahat ng relihiyoso, naniniwala sa Diyos
6. hindi lahat ng naniniwala sa Diyos, mabait
7. hindi lahat ng di naniniwala sa Diyos, masama
8. hindi lahat ng magaling magsulat, magaling magsalita
9. hindi lahat ng magaling magsalita, magaling magsulat
10. hindi lahat ng di marunong magbasa, mangmang
11. hindi lahat ng pagkain sa kalye, madumi
12. hindi lahat ng madungis, nakakatakot
13. hindi lahat ng malinis, mabait
14. hindi lahat ng mabango, masarap
15. hindi lahat ng mamahalin mo, mamahalin ka pabalik
16. hindi lahat ng magmamahal sa yo, mamahalin mo
17. hindi lahat ng matalino, marunong
18. iyakin din pala ako pag nakataas ang kaliwang kamay sa UP naming mahal tuwing natatalo ang fighting maroons
19. kahit ilang beses nang natatalo ang fighting maroons, masakit pa rin sa kalooban
20. kahit 0-7 na ang standing, umaasa pa rin ako na mananalo sila at mag-cha-champion
21. ...

mahaba ang listahan, at di lahat naaalala ko. pero yun nga, wala talagang black and malamang matagal bago mag-champion ang fighting maroons.

tanong ni psyche, anong klaseng tao ba ang dapat hinuhulma ng UP?

hindi ko alam. minsan ang sarap sabihin na ako, yung tulad ko. pero namaaaaaaaan, ang yabang ko naman masyado, di ba, samantalang ang nakasisiguro lamang ako ay... maganda ako. :P (blog ko to, alang kokontra)

pero kung ano man ang dapat produkto ng UP, sana, bilang minimum requirement, ay ang sumusunod sa blubuk- HONOR EXCELLENCE.

siguro, sa pagitan niyang dalawang yan, may asenso at pag-asa.

at balang-araw, mananalo rin ang fighting maroons.

hapi centennial, UP. sana maging karapat-dapat akong produkto mo.

-tina b.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

ang online burol, bow

this morning on my way to a lunch meeting i passed in front of a funeral home. this is not an uncommon occurrence, as there are a lot of funeral homes everywhere. what struck me, though, was this huge tarpaulin sign that said:


huh? of course i almost damaged my neck in the cab, first from the whiplash when i took a hurried second look, and then from trying to get a better view from inside the moving vehicle. i decided i'll just look it up when i get home. it sounded like a hoax.

so i searched for it and lo and behold, here it is: st. peter life plan, inc. e-burol

my gas! the tarpaulin poster was shitting me not.

initially i thought it was a tacky tacky marketing scheme. but then i realized that filipinos abroad really would appreciate something like this, specially when they can't go home for a wake or burial.

but even though i understand the concept behind it, hysterical mirth keeps threatening to overcome me when i think about the e-burol. i keep thinking how it would be too much like watching tv. how surreal it must be.

oh well, whatever rocks your boat. medyo creepy lang talaga. basta ako ayoko ng lamay, ha. online or otherwise.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

ang bata

it was appropriate then, it's appropriate now.

i first heard this song when i was 12, i think, at the UP baguio himigsikan, an annual choral singing contest that the (then) college had. i don't know if they still have it now though.

anyways, i heard it again when i joined a retreat called SADE, or the sons and daughters encounter (i think i got that right) of the christian family movement. i could never get all the words memorized, though, but i remember laughing at the phrase "ang bata, may muta, tinunaw na ng kanyang luha..." i found it hysterical that time.

last year when i started going out again i heard one of the folk singers here in baguio, jun utleg, sing it during his set. i've been asking for it since. i heard that he released an album with a cover of that song.

i bought the album today [support local music!] and i wasn't disappointed. although now the phrase that used to get me almost crying from laughter depresses the hell out of me.

"ang bata, may muta, tinunaw na ng kanyang luha...mataas na ang sikat ng araw sa silangan, wala pa rin si ama." nyeta.

i still like the song, though. the cd case says it was composed by a ferdie dimaano. galing mo, ser.

enjoy the song, people.

ANG BATA - Jun Utleg

ang bata, may dalang isang laruang lata
hila-hila sa kalsadang makipot at sira pa
butas ang damit, marumi ang ayus niya
siya ang bagong pilipino.

ang bata, may muta tinunaw na ng kanyang luha
panis na laway, naghihintay sa kapirasong pandisal
ngunit mataas na ang araw sa silangan
wala pa rin si ama.

ang bata nakayakap, dinarama ang init ni ina
malakas na ulan, malakas na kulog, tinatakot siya
pinto ng bahay, bubungang sira-sira
ang tanging karamay niya.

ang bata nakatingala at nakatingkayad sa bintana
siya'y nakasilip at nakikinig sa gulo sa labas
bakit ang buhay, kay ingay, kay gulo
natutulig na ako.

ang bata, ang bata, kawawang mga bata
saan sila patutungo, saan papunta?
dito ba sa buhay puno ng kaguluhan
puno ng kasawian.

ang bata, may dalang isang laruang lata
hila-hila sa kalsadang makipot at sira pa
butas ang damit, marumi ang ayus niya
siya ang bagong pilipino.

Friday, June 13, 2008

on growing up part 2

i seem to have lost some important papers and in my quest for the lost papers, i came across a tretorn box. it looked familiar and when i opened it, i saw a bundle of citibank bills, all unopened. must have arrived while i was out of the country.

under the bundle of bills, there were a lot of notes, written on torn notebook paper, letters and cards. all from the other ex.

i read through about 3 or 4 notes and cards. i have not spoken or heard from him in almost 2 years, mainly because his wife gets into a fit every time he does.

strange that he was the one i was with the longest, and yet he's the one i have no contact with. i have managed to stay friends with my exes, see.

i didn't mind the lack of contact. frankly, i've written him off. i would always just shrug my shoulders and shake the thought of him off, like a half remembered dream.

this morning, however, i found myself missing him. maybe it was because of the letters, or maybe because i suddenly remembered how thoughtful and loving he was. i had forgotten.

i used to think that missing him meant i still felt something "girlfriend-y" and i refused to let myself miss him, or even think about him, unless it was to rant.

when i looked at the box and the contents, i just let it flow over me, and i just let myself miss him. it felt good, i'm surprised to admit. it's been too long since i let myself feel anything for him other than a mild frustration.

well there it is. i miss him and i do hope he is well.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

on growing up.

got a message the other day from the ex-could-have-been-the-one inviting me to attend the birthday party of his kid.

i waited for the pang and the slight twinge of pain i always felt when he sends me a message. i waited for the tiny sliver of envy that always manages to sneak its way into my heart every time i think of him as married, and me as single.

i waited and waited. nothing came.

i sat there and stared at my phone and decided it was a good time to receive a message of that nature from someone i had once imagined spending the rest of my life with.

with a tiny smile i sent my regrets and an advanced happy father's day greeting. he responded with a thank you and a smile.

and that, i thought, was that.

Monday, June 09, 2008

who you calling pig?

had a baby shower for my sister yesterday. since the "coming soon" baby is a girl, we decided on pink and white balloons. we found those long balloon things that clowns twist to form animals.

on a whim i decided to look for instructions on balloon twisting on the net. i had success making a balloon dog but the picture of the animals below, albeit incomplete, shows my best efforts yet. :D i'm so proud.

Friday, June 06, 2008

si manang mani

matagal ko nang nabalitaan na na-feature si manang mani sa mel & joey, ang talk show sa gma-7. di ko nga lang napanood.

kanina napanood ko na sya finally sa sayote republic.

si manang mani, nakita na ata akong tumanda, at lumaki (at oo, tumaba). simula first year high school, hanggang sa gumradweyt ako, kumakain ako ng mangga na benta ni manang mani.

ganito yan. ang baon ko, 5 pesos. ang mangga, 5 pesos. so pupunta ako sa kanya bago ako papasok. kakain ako ng mangga ng 730 ng umaga. tapos babayaran ko yun. wala na akong baon ng hapon kaya kinabukasan na ako ulit kakain ng mangga.

eh nalaman ko na nagpapautang pala si manang mani. kaya ang naging gawain ko ng apat na taon, uutang ako ng mangga sa umaga kasi yung baon ko, ibabayad ko sa inutang kong mangga nung nakaraang hapon. apat na taon akong pinapautang ni manang mani. at hindi sya naniningil. nagbabayad kami ng kusa. hindi naman ganoon kalaki ang kinikita sa mani at mangga. pero ni minsan hindi nagdamot si manang.

minsan, uupo ako dun para magsumbong o magkwento kay manang. nung bawal pa akong mag-boyfriend, kay manang ako nagbibilin para dun sa boyfriend ko. nasubaybayan niya na rin ang lablayp ko at ang buhay ng mga kapatid ko na nag-aral din sa up. gaya nung sabi sa video, nag-iiwan din ako ng gamit kay manang. o nag-iiwan ng gamit para sa akin doon sa pwesto nya.

ngayon, di na ako umuutang. pumupunta na ako kay manang mani para kumain ng mangga, at umorder ng alamang. may pambayad na kasi ako ngayon.

nakakatuwa. naging simbolo para sa marami si manang mani. isa syang taong marangal, mabait, mapagmahal, mapagbigay. buti naipakita sa mas marami kung paano dapat ang isang tao.

ngayon ko lang nalaman na lolita pala ang pangalan ni manang mani. pero para sa kin, si manang mani pa rin sya.

i lab you manang.