Friday, February 27, 2004

parting shot

last sunday the last thing the priest said was this:

"if we don't love, we perish. goodnight."

Thursday, February 26, 2004

i had no idea i was this great :)

a testimonial from r.

Tina B. is one of those rare individuals who is good at everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. My fellow “driver from hell” controls cars more confidently and competently than anyone else I know. She can throw a football with such precision and strength that will put most guys to shame, and spike a volleyball to win the game. She’s a songwriter who’s work can be heard on a major record label. She writes poetry straight from the heart. Her short stories, though still undiscovered by what would surely be an eager set of fans, combine humor and wit with an unpretentious and very enjoyable storytelling style (read: start publishing your work, Tina! you’re depriving us all of a good read!). She never had a bad recitation experience throughout 4 years of law school, because she is just too cool. So cool. In so many ways (why, i even nominated her for “coolest person” of our graduating class!). She can out- drink ten people combined and STILL be the most in-control of her mental faculties (hehe. have i mentioned that the blood flowing through her veins is 80 proof? :) She is well-read and has an impressive collection of books in the children’s lit and fantasy genres. Blessed with a good eye for real art, she paints vivid and moody pictures, and she knows enough about photography to be a photographer herself. This interior design graduate could put together your dream space if you asked her to. As if all those talents weren’t enough, Tina B. can also prepare the heartiest home-cooked meal you ever had, and bake scwumptious cookies that will have you begging for more (and since she’s so generous, she WILL let you have more, bless her heart :) And hence, as you can see, Tina B. is good at EVERYTHING. And more than anything, she is good at being a friend. (pardon my mush) She will listen when no else will, she will understand when no else can, and she will be there when no when else is willing to be. (And she’ll provide endorphin-rich sugar-laden antidepressant goodies if the situation calls for it) Tina B.: a great person who’s good at everything. (in case you were wondering, the “B” stands for beeyootiful :)

on the side

yesterday was a welcome break for me. it felt like being back in college... no wednesday classes.

i decided to de-stress.

a couple of weeks ago a friend of mine asked me to pass by chocolate lover's (did i get this right?) to get her some stuff. since i was there already, i decided to get some for myself. a kilo of semi-sweet chocolate and some chocolate moulds. (molds? syet natatanga na ako sa trabaho)

anyways, i made some truffles yesterday. chocolate with cream filling with a dash of cognac. yum.

i have always found comfort in making things from scratch. of course i bought the chocolate ready made but the recipe for the rest was all my own. i get relaxed when i cook, or bake, or make something sweet. maybe because this is one activity where i know exactly what i'm going to do next. and if something goes wrong, i can always dispose of the spoils and start anew. if something is nor right, i always know why, and i don't repeat the same mistake.

it's the certainty. that's the word.

it is a form of escape for me, and it works all the time.

of course now i have very healthy (ahem) sisters. and no doubt i will have fat children.

Monday, February 23, 2004

scaring myself shitless

been reading the sequel of "talisman" by stephen king and peter straub entitled "black house."

somewhere in the middle of the book i started stealing furtive glances at the half-open door. for some reason i expected something totally horrible to stick its head in.

i wanted to get up and shut the door but i couldn't make myself move. then i decided that for just one night i will not brush my teeth. and i kept on reading.

it's weird because the story is not particularly scary. as far as stephen king books go, the shining and salem's lot still seem scarier. and yet there i was huddled under a blanket and a comforter. keeping my back to the wall and practically trembling.

it doesn't help that i get pictures in my head. anything i read, i can visualize. in living color. so maybe it was just my imagination working overtime. for someone who doesn't scare easily, being scared is something most unwelcome. and it was unwelcome.

eventually i managed to talk myself into brushing my teeth, switching off the light and closing the door. but i kept tossing and turning just the same.

sigh. 200 pages to go. my fear would probably be enough to power the whole of monstropolis for the week.

stole this from emman's blog.

Your Moulin Rouge Status: by pinkrobelover
Your Name:
Your deepest secret:Even the fat one wouldn't have you.
The Bohemian Ideal You hold true to most is:Love
Your Job at the Moulin Rouge:Singer
What the customers think:You're quite the seductive little wench.
Favorite Quote:"The Greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."
Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

i don't get it. if i'm a seductive little wench, why won't anyone have me??? now i sad.

Sunday, February 22, 2004

buses and stops

last thursday was the one month anniversary of my stint in makati.

one month. time really flies when you're... commuting everyday? 3 more months.

it's funny. i never thought i'd be working in makati. i never wanted to. the fact that i have lived on and off in quezon city for 11 years accounts for that.

that's not all though. w works in makati. i think i mentioned before that i couldn't even set foot in the area without breaking out in cold sweat everytime at the thought that i might run into him. or worse, into THEM.

so when i got offered this job i hesitated. but still, it was something to do and the pay was reasonable. plus i like the people i'll be working with.

get the job, i did. i thought to myself that commuting wasn't so bad. i could get used to it since i can leave the house early and get home early, thereby avoiding the rush hour traffic.

i told myself that makati was a pretty big place and since i had no intention of even going to their night spots, i thought the chances of w and myself running into each other was slim at best.

then i went to the office. i looked at the buildings and i just had to laugh at the irony. my building was one block away from w's building.

the chances increased to a little more than slim.

still, i was optimistic. 4 months is a short time. soon it will be over and perhaps i could avoid him for the whole duration of the project.

fat chance. (why is it that slim chance and fat chance mean almost the same thing? i digress.)

my second week at work i ran smack into him on my way to my building. he was as surprised as i was. and since i hadn't told him i'll be working in the area, he got even more surprised when i told him where i was headed.

we talked some. then i went to work.

hmmm. there goes my hope. i had hoped to avoid him for 4 months and my second week at the job i see him first thing in the morning.

it may have been an isolated incident.

a couple of weeks after that i saw him again, at the same bus stop. it was beginning to look like a conspiracy! the powers that be were again having fun at my expense. see, the morning i took my time in getting to work, i got caught in traffic, i waited for 5 trains (i think) to pass by before i could get on the mrt, and the bus i rode took its sweet ass time too.

same as before, talk some, go to work.

the following day i was choosing among buses when i finally settled on one that didn't seem as packed as the others. when i got on, there he was. standing in the aisle.

oh this was too much. once was okay. twice was coincidence. but three times in as many weeks? and considering the fact that i left the house at different times?

we spoke on the bus. i stood next to him and we kidded each other about salaries and jobs. i told him about the australian guy that i didn't get to rub up against (hehehe) and he chided me for being flirty. then it was time to get off and go to work.

don't get me wrong. it's not that i don't want to see him. i do. it felt good to be able to talk like normal people. it was good to see him. but i don't want to start looking forward to seeing him.

i don't want to remember old feelings i would rather forget. i don't want to set myself up for stabs of pain, specially if i do run into them. i have never seen them together, and i don't know how i'll react. better to not see them.

i don't want to start missing him badly again.

so there.

my friends, our common friends, and my sisters and his are all thrilled. easy for them to be thrilled. they're not in my extremely high heeled and not at all sensible shoes. they never went through what i did.

right now i'm resigned. i sometimes wonder if i will run into him again or if he's probably avoiding me. if i run into him, i guess that's okay. if i don't, that's okay too.

it's just that sometimes i wish that i knew the reason why things happen. if there's some role i'm playing in somebody's grand design. just so i'm not caught with my pants down.

in the meantime, i will go to work, i will work, and if i do see him again i will do what i have always done. i will smile and say hi.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

what will they come up with next?

citibank has come out with a cute mini visa. it's 43% smaller than the regular credit card, and you can hang it around your neck.

or if you can get a hold of the credit card application, you can hang it around your navel.

if you have a small waist, that is.

got me thinking. where do you hang it if you're fat?

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

pissing the night away

last saturday my sister and i went to kwago to celebrate valentine's day.

celebrate. i was dishwasher and bartender for 2 hours!!!!

the place was packed and the band was loud. it was fun though.

by midnight the crowd thinned out and i got myself a beer. and another beer.... and so on and so forth. we talked some, danced some, ate some.

around 5 am we headed home.

if that's not celebrating, i don't know what is. :)

my travelling pouch


wooden disposable chopsticks
lip gloss
female necessities
tiny swiss knife
tissue paper
coin purse
small bottle of jagermeister

now all i need is a spare set of contact lenses and 2 bottles of beer.

Saturday, February 14, 2004

aerospace bed!!!!

my dad bought one. so the first thing i did when i got home (actually the second thing that i did. first one was pick up my little banshee) was sleep on the bed.

it's set up in front of the tv so it was pretty convenient. fell asleep for hours, missing lunch.

around 3 pm a small, but very sharp knee crashed into my ribs. r leapt at me and i had to wake up.

sigh. am home.

Thursday, February 12, 2004

valentine's day hype

i'm going home this weekend.

i don't want to be anywhere near the apartment on valentine's day, and if i am unfortunate enough to not be able to go home, i'm spending the night somewhere else.

last year was the worst valentine's day i had.

my sister walked in at dawn with a huge bouquet of flowers. she shook me awake and said "galing kay w." that woke me up and i grinned. so unexpected. we had broken up the december before that.

made an overseas call to w to say thank you. since he wasn't home yet i left a message on his machine thanking him for the flowers.

early morning my cellphone was ringing. after the initial hi, he goes, "what flowers?"

i cried the whole day. he said he couldn't claim credit for something he didn't do.

i found out months later that my sister's boyfriend (w's fraternity brother) took the initiative and bought me the flowers. my sister didn't know it either.

i thanked him for it and he apologized. i said no harm done.

i was wrong.

so i am going home this weekend. the apartment calls to mind things i would rather not think about. but that doesn't mean i don't want people to enjoy the day.

they should. :)

but no one had better give me flowers.

if it's too good to be true...

it probably is.

yesterday the mrt people sent an empty train to the quezon avenue station. everybody was pleasantly surprised. and most got to sit down.

today, at approximately the same time, an empty train stopped at the station and i thought to myself, "i lucky."

hell. lucky.

somewhere after the ortigas station the driver spoke. he said that the train was having difficulties and that we were all going to have to get off at the shaw station. the whole trainload of people.

imagine everybody's consternation. anyways, got to squeeze into the next train and made it to buendia with minimum delay. but it took me ages to get a ride.

the buses were full to the brim. there were even people hanging out. syet.

ended up taking an fx to work. sigh.

so i guess i'll have to stay in the office late.

Friday, February 06, 2004

ah beer

went out with r the other night. had some beers.

it never ceases to amaze me how we never run out of things to talk about. we've been friends since high school and everytime we see each other, the chats never stop.

i find it refreshing to talk to her because she never condemns me, she tells me exactly what she thinks and she always makes perfect sense. everyone should have a friend like that.

i always walk away feeling good about myself and feeling confident enough to take on the world. somehow after we talk i find that the world is not such a scary place to be in.

i blessed, i glad.


mrt blues part 2

......had a moral dilemma inside the mrt the other day. 2 ladies rode the train and i was fortunate enough to have been sitting when they did.

it was an old lady and a pregnant lady. i had a very difficult time deciding but then the practical side of me kicked in. the pregnant lady had her back to me and her behind was bigger than mine (those who do are few and far between.). considering that only half my butt was sitting, i thought she'd have an easier time standing up. i asked the old lady to take my seat. good thing another woman asked the pregnant lady to sit when we got to the next station. my guilt was eased somewhat.

.......oh, had another moral dilemma. saw this woman standing up and her tummy was protruding. i was about to tell her to take my seat when it occurred to me. what if she wasn't pregnant? what if she just had a big tummy? i couldn't decide if she was pregnant or not. would she have been offended had i asked? hay naku. i looked the other way. probably saved myself from embarrassment.

.......then the other day i felt sad because an australian rode the train. pretty young, tall, muscular, handsome as sin. in the vernacular, makalaglag panty. i never thought i'd see the day when i would regret that the mrt was not crowded. missed my chance at pinching that butt. oh well. better things (butts?) will probably ride. i'm an optimist. :)

.......last wednesday i saved myself from being mobbed. i had this almost uncontrollable urge to grin and wave at the people who couldn't ride because the trains were full. i stopped myself in time. imagine what those people would have done to me. it was rush hour, they were probably late for work, and there i would have been, waving and wearing a grin. if i were in their shoes, i would've been out for my blood. hehehe.

thank god for small blessings.

riding the mrt is still a novelty for me. which is probably why i notice so many things and i write about it a lot. (twice is a lot i suppose) i hope it remains a novelty.

death and taxes

it's probably true. the only certainties in life are death and taxes.

got my first payslip today. sigh. payslip lang. wala pang sweldo. ANG LAKI NG TAX!

i almost didn't graduate because of tax. and now i have graduated and it's still haunting me. i did really bad in the tax portion of the bar exam.

it's still haunting me.

sigh. sigh. and another sigh.

it's no wonder people evade tax. we never really appreciated the tax implications when we were in law school. it was all on paper. but when you realize that you have to pay it, and you see how big it is, it suddenly hits you.

i suppose i should be glad that my tax base (the amount to be taxed) is relatively within limits. imagine if i have to pay the full 32% (the maximum tax rate)! the dx6490 is becoming a speck in the distance.

have to find other ways of making money. or i should steer clear of the bookstores. ha. tall order.

got this in the mail

hands free adapters

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

what you calling obscene?

stumbled across this case at work. it's about some booksellers who were being charged with obscenity for selling the following books: god's little acre by erskine caldwell, studs logan trilogy and a world i never made by james t. farrell, sanctuary and wild palms by william faulkner, end as a man by calder wallingham and never love a stranger by harold robbins.

judge curtis bok (who later became a member of the pennsylvania supreme court) read the books and wrote a summary for each. then he declared them not obscene. this passage struck me, considering that the case was penned sometime in 1948 and promulgated in 1949.

"it will be asked whether one would care to have one's young daughter read these books. i suppose that by the time she is old enough to wish to read them she will have learned the biologic facts of life and the words that go with them. there is something seriously wrong at home if those facts have not been met and faced and sorted by then; it is not children so much as parents that should receive our concern about this. i should prefer that my own three daughters meet the facts of life and the literature of the world in my library than behind a neighbor's barn, for i can face the adversary there directly. if the young ladies are appalled by what they read, they can close the book at the bottom of page one; if they read further they will learn what is in the world and it its people, and no parents who have been discerning with their children need fear the outcome. nor can they hold it back, for life is a series of little battles and minor issues, and the burden of choice is on us all, every day, young and old. our daughters must live in the world and decide what sort of women they are to be, and we should be willing to prefer their deliberate and informed choice of decency rather than an innocence that continues to spring from ignorance. if that choice be made in the open sunlight, it is more apt than when made in shadow to fall on the side of honorable behavior." (emphasis mine)

this decision is over 50 years old. i haven't found the full text online but i have read it. it's pretty interesting for a case decision. will look for it and try to link it. here's the citation for those interested.

commonwealth v. gordon (1949) 66 pa. d & c 101.

i think we should be so lucky if most fathers think like this. my dad never stopped us from reading. well maybe if we read during meals. and i am extremely thankful that they stocked our shelves with classics. my mom had a policy. never scrimp on two things. and two things only. -food and books.

i have to look these books up. :)

Monday, February 02, 2004

green thumb

i think i have one. or maybe two. green thumbs?

we have a small planter box outside the bay window in the apartment. and since i was doing my share to save the environment, i started some composting. yep. threw the vegetables and left-over food and biodegradable stuff. what the birds didn't eat, i buried.

naturally there were quite a few seeds thrown in with the rest. and things started growing.

early last year i had this mutant sinkamas. i barely even noticed it. next thing i knew, there was this huge crawling vine entwined around the window bars. scary. i didn't want to but i had to cut it down. my sister said it will probably grow mutant some more and rape me in the middle of the night and i'll have half-sinkamas children. sick, yes. but that's my sister. :)

then a calamansi thingy grew. then, of all things, papaya. it is now about 2 feet tall, with nowhere to go. the roots are bound to get stunted. ah but wouldn't it be cute to have a bonsai papaya by my window?

now there's a new addition. my mom brought over a poinsettia plant last christmas. being the fragile plants that they are, a few branches broke. i stuck them in the dirt outside and one of them is flourishing. the rest could use some help but still.

so there. my thumbs are green.

who knows, i'll probably have my very own tiny orchard there. hehehe.


a friend sent me this link. and i promise as soon as i can i will make this dragon