buses and stops

last thursday was the one month anniversary of my stint in makati.

one month. time really flies when you're... commuting everyday? 3 more months.

it's funny. i never thought i'd be working in makati. i never wanted to. the fact that i have lived on and off in quezon city for 11 years accounts for that.

that's not all though. w works in makati. i think i mentioned before that i couldn't even set foot in the area without breaking out in cold sweat everytime at the thought that i might run into him. or worse, into THEM.

so when i got offered this job i hesitated. but still, it was something to do and the pay was reasonable. plus i like the people i'll be working with.

get the job, i did. i thought to myself that commuting wasn't so bad. i could get used to it since i can leave the house early and get home early, thereby avoiding the rush hour traffic.

i told myself that makati was a pretty big place and since i had no intention of even going to their night spots, i thought the chances of w and myself running into each other was slim at best.

then i went to the office. i looked at the buildings and i just had to laugh at the irony. my building was one block away from w's building.

the chances increased to a little more than slim.

still, i was optimistic. 4 months is a short time. soon it will be over and perhaps i could avoid him for the whole duration of the project.

fat chance. (why is it that slim chance and fat chance mean almost the same thing? i digress.)

my second week at work i ran smack into him on my way to my building. he was as surprised as i was. and since i hadn't told him i'll be working in the area, he got even more surprised when i told him where i was headed.

we talked some. then i went to work.

hmmm. there goes my hope. i had hoped to avoid him for 4 months and my second week at the job i see him first thing in the morning.

it may have been an isolated incident.

a couple of weeks after that i saw him again, at the same bus stop. it was beginning to look like a conspiracy! the powers that be were again having fun at my expense. see, the morning i took my time in getting to work, i got caught in traffic, i waited for 5 trains (i think) to pass by before i could get on the mrt, and the bus i rode took its sweet ass time too.

same as before, talk some, go to work.

the following day i was choosing among buses when i finally settled on one that didn't seem as packed as the others. when i got on, there he was. standing in the aisle.

oh this was too much. once was okay. twice was coincidence. but three times in as many weeks? and considering the fact that i left the house at different times?

we spoke on the bus. i stood next to him and we kidded each other about salaries and jobs. i told him about the australian guy that i didn't get to rub up against (hehehe) and he chided me for being flirty. then it was time to get off and go to work.

don't get me wrong. it's not that i don't want to see him. i do. it felt good to be able to talk like normal people. it was good to see him. but i don't want to start looking forward to seeing him.

i don't want to remember old feelings i would rather forget. i don't want to set myself up for stabs of pain, specially if i do run into them. i have never seen them together, and i don't know how i'll react. better to not see them.

i don't want to start missing him badly again.

so there.

my friends, our common friends, and my sisters and his are all thrilled. easy for them to be thrilled. they're not in my extremely high heeled and not at all sensible shoes. they never went through what i did.

right now i'm resigned. i sometimes wonder if i will run into him again or if he's probably avoiding me. if i run into him, i guess that's okay. if i don't, that's okay too.

it's just that sometimes i wish that i knew the reason why things happen. if there's some role i'm playing in somebody's grand design. just so i'm not caught with my pants down.

in the meantime, i will go to work, i will work, and if i do see him again i will do what i have always done. i will smile and say hi.