Sunday, November 30, 2003
two of my male cousins asked me yesterday if i liked women. they figured that since i had such short hair and was always in jeans and shirts, i must be tomboy.
i said "minsan" to one of them. oh the look on his face was priceless. there were no more follow up questions.
the other one was more serious. he said i have never brought a boyfriend to the reunion. i used to bring wen to the reunions. but that particular cousin was not present those times. i told him that i was still recovering. i said i cut my hair because i needed a change, and that cutting hair was healthy, not because i don't like men anymore. i showed him my grad pic, long hair and all. i think he believed me.
anyways, people were asking where wen was. i told them he was with someone else now. they were surprised. why shouldn't they be? sa ganda kong to???? (someday lightning is going to strike and i will never know what hit me.)
actually they were surprised because we had been together so long. i told them that these things happen for a reason. they didn't ask for details. that's why i love those cousins.
then we went back to eating. and it was good. :)
i always look forward to the reunion. barring one or two in-laws who happen to be bitches in the first degree, the rest of the family is cool.
food, as always, was in abundance. we all love to eat. and yesterday was no exception. eating began at 12. we ended at 6. the fare consisted of the usual stuff--spaghetti and ice cream, plus the only to be found in tarlac food (or at least i'd like to think so. my uncle is a great cook) -- burong hipon, mustasa, tapang kalabaw, inihaw na hito, roasted duck and roasted turkey, kilawen, pinapaitan.. the list goes on.
conversations were happy too. my cousins never hesitate to poke fun at others, and at themselves. nothing is sacred. and listening to them is so refreshing because they say what they think, without pretensions. but the affection is there. and the compassion.
looking back i find it unfair that we got to spend so little time with them. my dad's mom was the dominant matriarch. we loved her but she wanted to keep everybody in her clutches. so we never got to spend christmas with my lolo and lola in the province. we all stayed in baguio. all her children and their families were required to spend christmas here. we were deprived of our lolo and lola and our other relatives. :(
still, it was perhaps this lack of time spent with them that made what little time we had so special. but... naaaah.
i still would have liked to spend more time with them.
now we're all grown up and we still enjoy each other's company. that should count for something. :)
looking forward to next year. wonder what food we will have?
Friday, November 28, 2003
I'm sure it's no big surprise to you that your
romance is The Princess Bride. A heartwarming
tale of "Twue Wuve" that has giants,
Spaniards and swashbuckling. You really do
think that love can overcome anything. You may
be a touch naive but your heart is certainly in
the right place. You've probably got one of
those relationships where proper nouns have
been replaced with "Snookums" and
"Pookie Pie". Eww. Beware a cuteness
What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
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Thursday, November 27, 2003
here's my 2-cents worth.
i think fpj is a decent guy. i'd be hard pressed to recall a scandal he was involved in. he has kept quite a low profile athough he had a big name in the business.
but with all due respect to him i don't think he is what this country needs.
i think this country needs a firm hand. it needs a president who is not afraid to lose friends, and who will think twice, thrice, a million times before appointing someone to position because of a debt of honor.
it's sad that nobody comes to mind at the moment. all i can do is hope and pray that somebody comes along and that that somebody will win.
i don't want to migrate.
My inner child is sixteen years old!
Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.
How Old is Your Inner Child?
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every year i go to the export processing zone to buy a pair or two of shoes and a bag. got me a sling bag along with the shoes. and all for the price of (drum roll please)....P1250.
not bad, huh? these export overruns are really cool.
i still use the laptop knapsack i bought a couple of years ago. it doubles as an overnight bag.
i only wish they had more stocks.
and i had more money. hehehe.
bad idea. was all sweaty when i got to comelec. while waiting in line i realized that they were taking pictures and would be issuing ids. i looked like shit. as i was about to change my mind, the lady took my validation form to verify my precinct number.
too late. my form was on queue. syet.
oh well. fingerprints were taken, electronic version of signatures too (coolnessssss!). then the dreaded moment. picture taking.
i looked drunk in my first picture. so i asked the lady nicely if i could have a retake. sure, she said. so i had another one taken.
i looked high. hehehe. i had decided to smile. my eyes became smaller and i looked like i had just finished a joint or two.
oh well. would've asked for a third take if it would have made a difference. but then again there were people waiting in line waiting to have their ugly pictures taken too.
my sister said that that picture will be used for the national id system. damn. and double damn. for the rest of my life????
on other matters, the old guy next to me asked me whom i was voting for. i said i 'd pick the lesser evil.
as of today i still don't know. fpj declared that he is running for president. susan roces was in tears. hell, i'd be in tears too.
i wonder what's going to happen to the philippines?
i'm sure of one thing though. those who don't vote lose the right to complain. and i will not lose that right.
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
good for her. they only come at night. i get them during the day.
i've been doing some research for my uncle the past few weeks. decided to look through my bar materials (i sent them home for my sister's use) because i knew there was something i needed there.
the minute i had the papers in my hands i felt dizzy. thought it was the heat. started leafing through the pages. almost threw up. had visions of having to take the bar again, of my disappointment in myself, my parents' disappointment...
gave it up. the discomfort disappeared as soon as i put the damned papers down.
did i mention i once flunked a board exam? it was a humbling experience.
i never want to go through that again.
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
met him in my physics class. good looking, funny, nice, with a butt to die for. i think he was the first and only person that i didn't inform first off about my boyfriend. call it omission on my part.
anyways, had a crush on him and i think he sorta kinda liked me too. or maybe he just found me nice to talk to.
we both flunked because we used to answer crossword puzzles in class rather than study.
he wanted to be a doctor.
hmmm... one of the few people i really hankered after.
well wherever he is, i hope his butt is as nice as it used to be. :P
i started with the shelves, then the boxes of accumulated stuff over the years. i had not done general cleaning since i came home so i knew this was going to take a long time.
frames with pictures i would rather not look at. they were the first to go.
letters. lots of them. little notes written on recycled paper from my dorm days which contained stuff ranging from "i left some food in your room..." to "i love you so much." to "you locked me out of the room!"
there were also letters from grade school complete with rhymes and mistakes.
and of course, letters from my exes. pictures. one shoe box for each ex....
it's amazing that despite years of being together (one for 1.5 years, another for 3 years, another for almost 8 years)
you end up with one shoebox for each of those periods in your life. one meazly box. (blame email?)
i opened them and looked through some letters. tore some pictures up, threw some notes out. it was liberating, but at the same time it made me horribly sad. it would be a first for me, throwing away letters and pictures.
remembering made me melancholy. for a moment i was so lonely i almost let the tears fall. but i kept them in check. then i realized something. i'm a little harder now. a little more jaded. a little less sentimental.
and that realization made me feel sadder. it was like throwing bits and pieces of my life away.
i know that it is necessary. you have to make space in your life to accomodate new loves, new friends. just like a cabinet. you throw out things you don't want, things you don't need. then you fill it up again with those that you do.
i guess i'm just going through the final stages of letting go.
i think it's time for me to sanitize, heal, and scar. and if i have to be harder to do it, so be it.
Monday, November 24, 2003
ha. i wish.
my bed gave up on me. mainly because it's been moved around so much and that the make was flimsy to begin with. whoever made it was going more for form than substance. bad trip.
anyways, hammer in hand, nails in the other, i managed to put it back together with manang virgie's help. wood glue and clamps would have been nice.
sigh. really need to put together that tool box.
Sunday, November 23, 2003
You are Form 2, Angel: The Pure.
"And The Angel rose as holy protector for
all that was created. She fought with honor
and valor to serve the good of the world. But
the coming of the mankind was her downfall; and
end to purity."
Some examples of the Angel Form are Michael
(Christian) and Hercules (Greek).
The Angel is associated with the concept of virtue,
the number 2, and the element of wind.
Her sign is the zenith sun.
As a member of Form 2, you are a person of your
word. You generally keep your promises and
give everything you do your best. Although
some people see you as overbearing sometimes,
you know that you have to stay true to yourself
and do what's right. Angels are the best
friends to have because they are brutally
Which Mythological Form Are You?
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Friday, November 21, 2003
was going to get stinking drunk tonight but my sister got tired so we went home after 2 beers. and because today is the grand opening of sm and one of the more important days of the ad congress, the whole of baguio was in chaos.
there were no cabs. people were walking in the middle of the street and the sm sign was glaring. hateful.
we walked to a place where we can get a jeep. after 15 minutes, one came by. it wasn't our usual jeep so we had to walk. damn. i came from court earlier. was wearing a black v-neck blouse, nice jeans and killer mules. with pointed toes. (are they still called mules if they're pointed? i plead ignorance.)
the walk just ended my prospects of becoming a foot model. nalungkot naman ako. pero partida na yan. HAHAHAH!!!!
Thursday, November 20, 2003
went to the new sm here in baguio. i have mixed feelings. on the one hand, i can't believe they cut all those trees to build a concrete jungle. on the other hand, i know the construction of the mall created a lot of jobs and has provided the city with access to shops otherwise out of reach for the non-travelling population.
in fairness to sm the mall does not look like your regular mall. it is not square and you can actually go to the lobby(?)/ balcony (?) to stargaze. but still. i would have preferred a mall built within the trees or something like that.
i don't know how i feel. or maybe i do. it's like how you feel when a pet dies. or you discover that something you've always viewed as magical is replete with tricks and lies.
i finally saw my city for what it is now.
i've been denying the change. i've been telling myself that it's still a beautiful place. but somehow i've always known that that wasn't..isn't.. the truth.
it's beginning to get warm here. the traffic is bad. the people have no respect for the city. we used to stop whatever it is we were doing everytime the siren wailed over the city, just to pray the angelus. we used to have tree planting all the time. parking was free, and there weren't that many cars to begin with. everyone knew everybody else. sidewalk vendors were few and far between. so were beggars. there were no street kids.
we had flower farms and strawberry farms and john hay was a place to go to even if we didn't have money. we could just stroll... now the farms are being converted to golf courses and john hay has become... i don't even want to think about it.
my thoughts are jumbled and i am rambling. i always thought i'd raise my kids here, if and when i do have them. but now am seriously reconsidering. this is not the baguio i remember. no longer my city.
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
so goes zazu's dialogue in lion king. and my dialogue too.
it's amazing. i can't understand how i can be related by blood to some people who do not hesitate to squeeze us dry or kick us when we're down. not to mention the fact that those bitches that they married thrive on discord and never bat an eyelash when they sow it.
i have never been vindictive. but sometimes i can't help but wish that i had assassins at my command and that i didn't have a conscience.
me? i can take care of myself. but they touch my sisters and my parents and i'm out for blood.
Monday, November 17, 2003
Sunday, November 16, 2003
last friday, after a harrowing 2 1/2++++++ hour trip, we made it to my sister's performance at the san agustin church. she was to sing the exultate jubilate by mozart with the philippine philharmonic orchestra. this was the reason i came down in the first place.
thanks to the *&$*^@&^%@^* traffic, however, we only caught the tail end of the third movement. damn. my parents were disappointed. not only because we practically missed her singing but because of the fact that there was no video coverage. ugh.
but what we watched was stunning, just the same. and i wouldn't have missed those last 5 minutes for the world.
then last night ate kay and i watched jazz in time. a crossover presentation featuring courtney pine and his band (british i think) and local jazz artists.
the front act which featured the locals lasted for 2 hours, a veritable concert in itself. and i have this to say. bituin escalante left me breathless, cookie chua rocks (as usual) and jay cayuca plays sexy. the rest of the artists were good too, and i can safely declare that filipino artists can hold their own. and i was proud.
courtney pine came on after a 15 minute break. we listened to 3 songs and left. he was good, that much we ascertained. but listening to saxophones for over 2 hours is not my idea of a great time.
pondering in bed (or on the sleeping bag on the rug over the mat on the floor which passes for a bed), i thought about the two nights and realized that i will probably never be as cultured as my sister when it comes to music (she did graduate from the college of music, after all) , but my ears know what they like and that is just fine.
my untutored ears will perhaps never know the difference between mozart and bach (and all those dead composers for that matter) but it doesn't matter because hearing a good orchestra play more than makes up for my ignorance. and i will never really get the distinctions between an alto sax and a soprano sax down pat but i found out i don't really like listening to it too much, so that's okay. too much of a good thing.
so i will never be all that cultured. but hey, nobody can say i'm a barbarian.
Saturday, November 15, 2003
or every time i watch tv and so happen upon an infomercial my fingers itch and i want to pick up the phone and call.
of course i'm a little discriminating. the one and only time i ordered online was for the X1R motor oil additive. one for bogart and one for kojak. and i have had no reason to be dissatisfied. but then again it was like a carrot on a stick.
so when i see those infomercials on tv and tiborce happens to be around, he changes the channels.
to date i have 3 things i want to buy. the restore 4 system, the george foreman grill, and the aerospace sofa bed.
sigh. i wouldn't mind getting the grill first....
Thursday, November 13, 2003
spent most of the first hour gazing out the window at the trees (what's left of them) and watching vehicles going the other way. fell asleep and woke up in tarlac. went down for the stopover to have a hotdog and breathe.
the tv was tuned in to gma 7 the whole time. when the bus started moving again, there they were. the sexbomb dancers. singing mula batanes hanggang jolo....
was able to ignore the show until the videokray (did i get that right?) portion. the first singer was good. the second singer was a guy who had the misfortune of picking out "hotstuff" for his song. he sang in falsetto all the way. it was painful to watch.
the third singer was really good. girl but she sang elvis. hehehe.
by this time the whole bus was awake and watching. laban o bawi na. it was fun, actually. we all laughed at the same time, and we were calling out answers to the questions. it was like i was part of a family watching a noon time show in the living room.
this question i can't seem to forget. or rather the answers. "ano'ng comic book superhero ang ginawan ng movie nitong 2003 (2? basta)..."
two of the guys didn't let michael v. finish. one answered spiderman. the other answered incredible hulk.
the rest of the question went like this : na merong dalawang "D"
the third guy goes: captain barbell.
and michael v. goes : ano? captain dardell?
nothing beats these noon time shows.
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
it's true. i've been in numerous taxi cabs and to enough hairdressers and they are the most updated people i've encountered.
i don't know but i suppose i have this sign on my face which says talk to me. so they do.
i have ceased being surprised at their insight, which i get a glimpse of every time they feel free to talk. they know what they're talking about. politics, showbiz, their passengers, world issues... they know. and they always give their 2 cents worth. i guess it's because in their line of work there is plenty of time to listen and ponder...
it's just too bad that they're too busy trying to eke out a living to give running for president or some other position a second thought.
slow reading because i'm usually taking care of the kids or running errands for the parents and my sisters.
the way it's written doesn't help much. the pace is a little slow plus there are so many bits and pieces about history since the setting is during the vietnam war (manila is mentioned). you read it slowly or else you miss something.
or maybe it's just me.
still, i'm enjoying reading it. i just wish i could move on to my books of magic.
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
so i don't really understand how they reckon the 6 degrees of separation.
that introduction aside, my world is getting smaller.
got caught up in the friendster frenzy. last night i was looking for some friends when i remembered that emman's birthday is today. just for kicks i decided to search for him. yep. he's part of the network. emman was my blockmate in up when i was still in engineering. and a friend to date.
viewed his network of friends. saw the name yayie. sounds familiar. tiborce has a friend named yayie. she's linked to his blog. so i decided to check it out. how many people in the world are named yayie? a lot i suppose. but still, viewed yayie's (naks. parang kilala ko siya. first name basis talaga. sorry po.) profile. there it was: favorite tv shows. buffy.
ha. i sometimes visit the blogs linked to borcee's. i like the way yayie writes so i visit her blog and i know she's a buffy fan. clue number 1!
then emman found my blog and said he put my blog as link. i clicked on his blog. and one link at the side bar is yayie's blog. that's not even clue number 2. that's more in the nature of x marks the spot.
one of the names i've always noticed on yayie's links is gamhanan. si emman pala yun. never visited the blog. and even if i did, i probably wouldn't have recognized it as his.
still, weird. i can almost see the connections from a bird's eye view. tina -- tiborce -- yayie -- emman -- tina.
weird weird weird. the world is too small.
Monday, November 10, 2003
Saturday, November 08, 2003
she was lining up her money on the counter. there was a line but i don't think she understood. the guy behind the counter ignored her. the people in the line ignored her. and i felt so bad.
sure she's one of those people you see on the streets, and one of those you wish to avoid. sure she was barefoot and looked untidy. but she was an old lady and she just wanted to buy bread.
i found myself staring at the scene until a young girl told the counter guy to let the old lady go ahead. she left with her bread in a plastic bag.
the cashier went to pick up the money with distaste plainly written on her face. i felt so bad i started crying on the sidewalk. good thing i have a cold. i grabbed some tissue paper and started blowing my nose.
i got depressed. and it persisted till i got home.
now i still feel bad. and mad. if i could change the world.....
we were sitting at the bar last night when a girl suddenly appeared behind us. she was asking us if it was okay for her to just stand there because she was almost drunk and she didn't want to sit down.
we said ok. then introductions were made. then she goes, kakantahan ko kayo.
paulyn and i caught the singer's attention. chris, kakanta daw siya ng zombie...
up the stage she went. and we were thinking "WHAT HAVE WE DONE?"
it was fun though. and she started dancing with her boyfriend and he took off his shirt and i gently told him to PUT IT BACK ON!
before she left she kissed all of us. weird. but nothing lost. so it was okay.
been a long time since i drank that much. was happy. but i probably won't do it again for some time. i just recovered from a bad cough and cold after all.
all in all, a fun night.
Thursday, November 06, 2003
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
2. when cleaning fish, wear an apron, use a pair of scissors, and look for hidden spikes in those tricky fish.
3. it is very difficult to deliberately try to sink.
4. the prints on white shirts do very little to hide your.... chest (?) okay fine. boobs.
5. if you step on something that moves, RUN.
6. ogling half-naked men running on the beach is not very polite, but extremely satisfying.
7. when you're swimming all alone you can make up plays and talk to yourself and no one will think you crazy.
8. it is never a bad idea to bring pajamas to the beach.
9. crabs and shrimps taste better when eaten along the shore.
10. pulling up your shorts while standing in the water will not keep your shorts dry.
11. walking on the hot sand at high noon is sheer stupidity.
12. no matter how many misadventures you have, going to the beach is one of the best things one can ever do to relax.
this morning i spent a good hour lying on the sand, reading a book while drinking kalamansi juice.... not bad. click on the link below. posted some pictures. and since tom was taking the pictures, he has no solo pictures. so i guess it's just me.
if the link does not appear underscored, just click on tom's beach birthday. :)
tom's beach birthday
Monday, November 03, 2003
so i decided to go to the dreaming. turns out there are a lot of gaiman books not available in the philippines yet. seriously thinking of ordering over the net... hmmm.
wolves in the walls
the sandman: endless nights
the day i swapped my dad for 2 goldfish
smoke and mirrors
seasons of mist
a game of you.
emailed powerbooks and they have most of the paperbacks in stock. now all i have to do is to find a job.....
medicine's taking effect. sleep now.
my hairdresser said i look really fat and that i should just grow my hair. hell. i wanted a haircut and i was getting one. so i did. but i was in a bad mood.
the fact that i was feeling really sick didn't improve my temper. my eyes were burning, my sinuses were all clogged up, and i was coughing.
and to be called fat... sigh.
i'm going to sleep now. i feel really sick. that's what i get for going to the cemetery and attending the evening mass without a jacket.
when we got there, my sister and i lit candles. she and her boyfriend left me there and they went to visit other tombs.
as i sat there i had this peculiar feeling of peace. there i was, sitting cross-legged on top of the marble tomb as i watched the people go by. there was no fear, no prickling at the back of my neck. i wasn't even cold....
i felt safe. weird. since it was fast getting dark and a cemetery is not one of the places i'd want to be in when it gets dark.
still, i liked sitting there. soon it was time to go. the feeling didn't leave, at least not till i had my first beer. (we went bar-hopping.)
i'm getting weirder by the day. i should get a job.
Saturday, November 01, 2003
must have been a dentist for kids. he kept talking in a sing-song voice. anyways, i didn't mind. he told me that he would have to take out one of my fillings because there were cavities underneath. sigh. he injected my gums with anesthesia and started drilling away.
i heard the drill in my mouth. couldn't feel it tho. above the drilling i could hear martin nievera singing on the wings of love. there was a martin cd playing. i was there for over an hour and a half. i don't know which sound i hated more, the drilling or the martin cd playing over and over... i think at the end of the session i found that i preferred the drill.