sad

that previous post was an attempt at making me feel better.

went to the new sm here in baguio. i have mixed feelings. on the one hand, i can't believe they cut all those trees to build a concrete jungle. on the other hand, i know the construction of the mall created a lot of jobs and has provided the city with access to shops otherwise out of reach for the non-travelling population.

in fairness to sm the mall does not look like your regular mall. it is not square and you can actually go to the lobby(?)/ balcony (?) to stargaze. but still. i would have preferred a mall built within the trees or something like that.

i don't know how i feel. or maybe i do. it's like how you feel when a pet dies. or you discover that something you've always viewed as magical is replete with tricks and lies.

i finally saw my city for what it is now.

i've been denying the change. i've been telling myself that it's still a beautiful place. but somehow i've always known that that wasn't..isn't.. the truth.

it's beginning to get warm here. the traffic is bad. the people have no respect for the city. we used to stop whatever it is we were doing everytime the siren wailed over the city, just to pray the angelus. we used to have tree planting all the time. parking was free, and there weren't that many cars to begin with. everyone knew everybody else. sidewalk vendors were few and far between. so were beggars. there were no street kids.

we had flower farms and strawberry farms and john hay was a place to go to even if we didn't have money. we could just stroll... now the farms are being converted to golf courses and john hay has become... i don't even want to think about it.

my thoughts are jumbled and i am rambling. i always thought i'd raise my kids here, if and when i do have them. but now am seriously reconsidering. this is not the baguio i remember. no longer my city.

sad.