Sunday, October 30, 2005


finally home after almost 3 months. it's a long long weekend and i'm taking this chance to get away from the hustle and bustle. well... half the manila population is probably here anyways. good thing i just stay home and we have our own bar, so rest and drinking covered, thank you very much.

it's going to be a hell of an effort convincing myself to go back to work after this. sigh.

Friday, October 28, 2005


i don't think there was ever a time when i could have passed the pencil test....

hmmmm. in grade school maybe.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

beauty, brains, and blessings in the sky.

the other night my sister and i went out with e, ate k's stewardess friend. we got to talking about dispositions, and how as a general rule beautiful people have sunnier dispositions.

i don't really subscribe to this proposition, but i had to agree to some extent.

i have this theory that beautiful people have a more positive outlook in life because they don't have to deal with as much prejudice as those who were born not beautiful. e said that the world is kinder to beautiful people.

it's somewhat jaded but it's true. if you grow up with people around you telling you how cute you are, how wonderful you look, how don't have to develop a defensive skin around yourself. you just take it as it comes. the world is good to you, you're good to the world.

but if you're young and vulnerable, and people keep remarking that you don't look like this or that truly good-looking ancestor, or that your siblings are really beautiful (with undertones saying: what happened to YOU?), or if you have classmates in school who keep calling you pangit, you tend to develop a defensive attitude, to keep from getting hurt. yes, people can be mean.

so you put your chin up and you tell them to bugger off, and you don't care. and then it gets to a point where your defenses don't go down anymore, and having that attitude becomes default.

i'm not saying this is true in all cases. i have met people who are not beautiful. not ugly, just not beautiful in a conventional way i suppose. and they have the cheeriest of dispositions, that seeing them smile makes my day and i get the feeling that all is right in the world. wala silang galit sa mundo.

i think it's because most of these people were treated right -- equally. minahal sila nang husto. the way everybody should be treated.

on the other hand i have encountered marvelously beautiful people who have everything they could possibly want, yet they still think that the world sucks. what's up with that? again, it must be the environment they grew up in.

so i guess this world would be a better place if people treated everyone else in a good way. after all, it can't hurt to be nice. and each deed goes a long way.

hmmm. food for thought.


going back to e, she has this colleague who is really beautiful, sexy, and nice. but... um... she's a little like melanie marquez.

"you know what? that's a blessing in the sky."

guess we can't have it all. :)

Thursday, October 20, 2005


been a little out of it for a while. haven't written anything even halfway decent for almost 3 weeks. okay, okay, over three weeks.

lately i've found myself taking stock of my life. it starts with: okay, i'm 30. i'm a lawyer. i have a job that pays the bills. i have friends. i have my family who are thankfully all healthy and love me to bits. i'm healthy. what now?

yeah, now what? is this all there is to it? you go to school for what? 20? 25 years? you find a job, get into relationships and mishaps (mostly concurrently), buy yourself stuff, most of which you don't need, see your friends, go out with your family, meet new people... lather, rinse, repeat.

and yet at the end of the day you find yourself wondering if all this is going somewhere. perhaps nowhere? you find yourself thinking that if you were going to be doing this for the next 30 years or so, you'd probably go mad. you wonder if your life is worthwhile, and if it's not, then why the hell not?

am i making sense?

maybe this is why people get married. what they call the logical next step-- to go forth and multipy. technically this is just to have children, but well... most of the time marriage comes with the territory.

maybe if you have children you realize that finally, your job is making sense -- to make money, to be able to nourish this tiny individual who may or may not have your looks, but will have your blood running in his or her veins. then you find yourself smiling this idiotic smile all the while thinking that this creature is truly a bundle of joy, and all yours.

maybe i should have kids so i wouldn't be wondering if my life is worthwhile. but therein lies the rub. no boyfriend on the horizon. my last sperm donor candidate is... taken.

maybe i'm just lonely.

okay, i'm 30. i'm a lawyer. i have a job that pays the bills. i have friends. i have my family who are thankfully all healthy and love me to bits. i'm healthy. i'm lonely.

Thursday, October 06, 2005