Tuesday, June 29, 2004

i chicken

badge. that's what they say.

the other day i had my first encounter with cops who ride the bus. the guy beside me didn't pay and the conductor paid him no mind. then the inspector came onboard. i dutifully presented my ticket to show that i had paid my fare. then the guy beside me just murmured "badge."

he didn't look at the inspector. he wasn't wearing his uniform either. but the inspector didn't argue.

why is it like that? the bus operators need to earn too.

i was dismayed and it showed, i suppose. because the guy didn't look either. i only wish i had the guts to reprimand him.

i'm a chicken. bok-bok-bok.


i resigned from work. it's a weird feeling. i've been working on and off for the past 4 years and i've never had to resign from any of the posts i've held. mainly because it was either project based or i just up and left because i was on call if something new came along.

yesterday i gave my resignation letter. my bosses initially refused to accept the letter but eventually they did. and when they did, i wanted to get it back.

i like earning my own money. i like having money to spend on my books or if the mood strikes me, on furniture for my room. it's a little difficult for me to go back to being supported by my parents because i have to quit my job and study for the bar.

still, i suppose it is necessary.

hard to swallow pride.

Sunday, June 27, 2004


my window faces west. i stopped using curtains months back because i like thinking that my room is part of the outdoors.

it's very bright outside, and since i'm wearing contact lenses, it seems brighter. i've been staring out my window for some time now. it hurts my eyes. but i stare nonetheless. it's a beautiful day. the birds are out and the leaves are swaying with the wind. the air is cool my neighbors are quiet.

the only sound i hear right now is the music from my sister's room. she's playing the soundtrack from sleepless in seattle. there's the occasional sound of crickets but it's just a distant buzz. it will probably rain later.

slept most of the morning away. unusual but i slept at 4 am. my body's giving up on me so i took the chance to rest.

feeling introspective today. taking stock of my life. i've resigned from work. will be jobless in a couple of weeks. will be studying (again) for the bar. sigh. messed up my schedule, really. but these things happen i suppose.

i want to take a break from the world for a while. from everybody, including friends and family. i guess at some point in everybody's life they feel the need to be alone. to be a stranger. i know i want to be in place where nobody knows who i am. and nobody cares. i just want to walk unnoticed, unbothered by anybody.

so there. ramblings, it says in the title. i would ramble some more except...my brain refuses to organize.

the birds are chirping outside the window. my windchimes are dancing like there's no tomorrow. maybe there isn't.

oh well. pay this post no mind. just thinking out loud.

swung by abigail's blog

i'm an artisan.

Artisans are the temperament with a natural ability to excel in any of the arts, not only the fine arts such as painting and sculpting, or the performing arts such as music, theater, and dance, but also the athletic, military, political, mechanical, and industrial arts, as well as the "art of the deal" in business.

Artisans are most at home in the real world of solid objects that can be made and manipulated, and of real-life events that can be experienced in the here and now. Artisans have exceptionally keen senses, and love working with their hands. They seem right at home with tools, instruments, and vehicles of all kinds, and their actions are usually aimed at getting them where they want to go, and as quickly as possible. Thus Artisans will strike off boldly down roads that others might consider risky or impossible, doing whatever it takes, rules or no rules, to accomplish their goals. This devil-may-care attitude also gives the Artisans a winning way with people, and they are often irresistibly charming with family, friends, and co-workers.

Artisans want to be where the action is; they seek out adventure and show a constant hunger for pleasure and stimulation. They believe that variety is the spice of life, and that doing things that aren't fun or exciting is a waste of time. Artisans are impulsive, adaptable, competitive, and believe the next throw of the dice will be the lucky one. They can also be generous to a fault, always ready to share with their friends from the bounty of life. Above all, Artisans need to be free to do what they wish, when they wish. They resist being tied or bound or confined or obligated; they would rather not wait, or save, or store, or live for tomorrow. In the Artisan view, today must be enjoyed, for tomorrow never comes.

Artisans make up between 15 to 20 percent of the population, which is good, because they create much of the beauty, grace, fun, and excitement the rest of us enjoy in life.

The Four types of Artisans are:

Promoters (ESTP) | Composers (ISFP) | Crafters (ISTP) | Performers (ESFP)

Friday, June 25, 2004

reading the papers

i stopped reading the newspapers a long time ago. or more appropriately, i stopped reading the news. i still visited the comic, sports, and ad sections. plus the crossword puzzles still held my attention and tickled my brain.

i stopped reading because the news had this peculiar effect on me. it made me not want to leave the house. it made me want to just go panic buying, lock myself up in the house, and just curl up with my constant companions - my books. reading the papers made me afraid.

everyday reports come in about someone being massacred somewhere, some person getting gunned down, another one becoming victim to robbers... the list goes on and on. and that's just the local news. how can i, in the interest of my sanity, keep on reading the papers?

tv was different. i have never been a fan of the boob tube. but printed words hold me in thrall for hours on end. it is far easier for me to just ignore the television than to leave the printed pages alone. so i decided to just segregate the news part. and lug the other sections to my room.

lately, however, my sister subscribed to a couple of papers. the other day i picked up a copy. started reading. sigh. hooked.

i read the papers every morning now. and i find that i have more reason to be afraid. the peculiar effect is gone. i don't feel like becoming a hermit anymore. i read the news and i feel... i feel... a mild alarm at the state of things. but that's it.

the anger is gone. the fear is gone. the news have ceased to move me. that, in itself, is scares me. i should be more concerned. i should care about what is happening around me. instead i find myself just looking for the latest promo. or the latest ad that seems interesting.

i've become jaded.

i don't want to be. i want to feel that fiery hate when i see violence reported on print. i want to feel the tears welling when somebody innocent dies. i want to feel that outrage when rights are trampled upon. i want to feel.

so i keep reading the papers. in the hope that one day i will feel fear again. that i will want to panic buy again. that i will want to lock myself up in the house. these would infinitely be better than feeling that mild alarm.

i will read on. and pray that one day i will again be afraid.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

the girls

ever since we went to manila to go to college, occasions when we girls were together were few and far between. which is why we have our pictures taken at every opportunity. too bad there are only four of us here. one is in the states. the other one was busy when we were posing. still, it's a nice picture.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

yza bear

my niece yza who celebrated her first birthday. isn't she precious? of course i would have done away with the pink stuff but her mother insisted. my objective now is to convince her that her favorite color is blue. :)

Thursday, June 17, 2004

office people

these people make waking up early, taking a jam-packed train and bus, and walking in the scorching heat worth my while. :)

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

as far as love songs go...

this takes the cake for me.

There We Are
james taylor

Listen to me and I'll sing you a song
And the time will go by
'Til you never know where it's gone
Talk to me and I'll tell you my life story
Walk with me and I'll tell you my dreams of glory

There we are
Walking hand in hand
Somewhere on the sand
At the end of the land
And the edge of the shining sea

Drifting through time and space
On the face of a little blue ball
Falling around the sun
One in a million, billion, twinkling lights
Shining out for no one
In the middle of the night

Here we are
Sparks in the darkness
Speaking of our love
Burning down forever and forever

Oh I don't know if I told you
But you hold my heart in your hand
And I found out something about you
Baby, without you
I'm a lonely man

So though I never say that I love you
I love you
Darling I do
Carly, I do love you
And though we are as nothing
To the stars that shine above
You are my universe
You are my love

Here we are
Like children forever
Taking care of one another
While the world goes on without us
All around us

the smell of rain and lightning

it must have been because i grew up in a place that had clean air. at least it used to have clean air. i have a sense of smell that is a little more sensitive than usual.

this afternoon while we were having coffee i told my officemates that the air smelled like the sea. i told them i could smell rain. none of them agreed probably because the sun was glaring and the sky was clear over the area. but it was there. and i liked the smell. a few hours later it started raining.

at times i can also smell the metallic odor of lightning. i don't know if there really is such a smell. but for me it smells electric. could be my over-active imagination, i suppose. is it possible for my imagination to trigger my olfactory senses? hmm. must look it up.

anyways, i'm glad i can smell the rain and the lightning. and if having a sensitive nose makes me more prone to bad smells, so be it. the trade-off is worth it. :)

Sunday, June 13, 2004

gray skies

it's been raining on and off and one day this just came at me. feeling sentimental and dramatic.

do gray skies make you feel like this too?

Friday, June 11, 2004

my dad

am back home in baguio. took a leave from work so i can spend time with the kids. plus i'm getting tired of working. need to take a break.

my niece was here earlier today. she's turning one tomorrow and she's been taking a step or two unassisted. she looks so adorable i have to restrain myself because i want to bite her.

anyways, her favorite rhyme is "this little pig." when one of my sisters finished reciting it, my other sister told me a story. apparently when we were sleeping at linden suites last month, my dad looked at the four of us while we were sleeping on the floor. only ate a was awake. she said he started pointing and reciting : this little pig went to market... this little pig stayed at home... this little pig had roast beef... this little pig had none...

since there were only 4 of us, my dad had to stop there. it must have tickled him pink watching us big girls sleep there. we really need to lose weight. when your own dad starts seeing you as pigs, there is something definitely wrong with the picture. but then my dad likes to joke too.

i have always wondered where i get my crazy streak. now i'm sure i get some of it from my dad. but i have this to say. my dad loves us to bits, pigs or not.

and for that, i'm thankful.

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

what kind of kiss am i?

You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.

What kind of kiss are you?
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okay so this is no substitute for a blog. but i am suffering from brain drain so this will have to do. :)