1. never wear sandals with criss-cross straps to the beach. your feet will end up looking like argyll socks.
2. when cleaning fish, wear an apron, use a pair of scissors, and look for hidden spikes in those tricky fish.
3. it is very difficult to deliberately try to sink.
4. the prints on white shirts do very little to hide your.... chest (?) okay fine. boobs.
5. if you step on something that moves, RUN.
6. ogling half-naked men running on the beach is not very polite, but extremely satisfying.
7. when you're swimming all alone you can make up plays and talk to yourself and no one will think you crazy.
8. it is never a bad idea to bring pajamas to the beach.
9. crabs and shrimps taste better when eaten along the shore.
10. pulling up your shorts while standing in the water will not keep your shorts dry.
11. walking on the hot sand at high noon is sheer stupidity.
12. no matter how many misadventures you have, going to the beach is one of the best things one can ever do to relax.