Friday, June 13, 2008

on growing up part 2

i seem to have lost some important papers and in my quest for the lost papers, i came across a tretorn box. it looked familiar and when i opened it, i saw a bundle of citibank bills, all unopened. must have arrived while i was out of the country.

under the bundle of bills, there were a lot of notes, written on torn notebook paper, letters and cards. all from the other ex.

i read through about 3 or 4 notes and cards. i have not spoken or heard from him in almost 2 years, mainly because his wife gets into a fit every time he does.

strange that he was the one i was with the longest, and yet he's the one i have no contact with. i have managed to stay friends with my exes, see.

i didn't mind the lack of contact. frankly, i've written him off. i would always just shrug my shoulders and shake the thought of him off, like a half remembered dream.

this morning, however, i found myself missing him. maybe it was because of the letters, or maybe because i suddenly remembered how thoughtful and loving he was. i had forgotten.

i used to think that missing him meant i still felt something "girlfriend-y" and i refused to let myself miss him, or even think about him, unless it was to rant.

when i looked at the box and the contents, i just let it flow over me, and i just let myself miss him. it felt good, i'm surprised to admit. it's been too long since i let myself feel anything for him other than a mild frustration.

well there it is. i miss him and i do hope he is well.