just when you think you're fine and moving on with your life, something happens that sets you back to square one. my ex-boyfriend attended my college recognition rites. i hadn't seen him in almost 2 months. i was apprehensive about the meeting and for good reason. things were initially awkward but with all the hustle and bustle of the graduation, i didn't have time to dwell on it. he brought me a bouquet of flowers.

things were going well till it was time for the family dinner. he was invited of course. but at the last minute he decided not to go. i asked him to go, my sister asked him to go. no dice. it ruined my night.

then i found out later that night that he already had a new girlfriend. knife went in, twisted clockwise, and twisted counterclockwise. i thought i was fine. really. but late into the night i was curled up on my mattress crying. i couldn't be friends with him anymore, much as i wanted to. didn't think i could take it. so i lost a friend.

it hurts. pretending i'm okay hurts more. i don't know when this will stop. i can do without the pain, after all i have to review for the bar. i could do without the stress. but i can't seem to get my butt into gear. i just space out and feel bad. please make it stop.