this afternoon i was having a text conversation with my ex's older sister. i told her to come over to baguio since she always looks for me when she's here. but as luck would have it, we never get to meet up. so i told her to come up to baguio. it is only a 45 minute bus ride after all.
anyway, her reply was: "baba ka na lang daw sabi ni papa. dito na tayo inom. maghahanda kami ng pulutan."
i thought about it. it would be nice to visit. it's been over a year since i last visited that house. but then again, i decided it wouldn't be a good idea.
i mean, i know i'm welcome. i don't think i will ever be unwelcome in that house. i practically grew up with that family (been hanging out with them since i was 15). i'm ninang to several babies, (and will be again next year) , they've seen me gain and lose weight and gain it back again (plus some more). point being, i've known them long enough.
all that aside, there's something missing. the sense of belonging is gone. i can't just up and go there and plunk myself down on their sofa.
i'm little better than a stranger now, i suppose.
but these things happen. malungkot. pero ganyan talaga.
so i guess i won't be going there. except maybe for the occasional "hi" on my way to the beach.
she's just going to have to come up. :)