Thursday, March 03, 2011


just found out that all the documents i'm supposed to be working home are now happily in transit elsewhere. i feel a bit disoriented so i decided to blog to get my bearings a bit.

before i decided to blog i scrolled through the updates in my facebook news feed and noticed that people were posting about two things today: the RH bill and the wonder that is God. As with everything i read little conversations erupt inside my head (and no, we do not have multiple personality disorder. we do not.) and because this blog is about me, all these conversations eventually come back to moi, in relation to whatever it is i've read.

for now, let's talk about faith.

one of my sisters says she's lost faith. this was my sister who kept going to sunday mass even when most of us stopped going. she always prayed. i never really found out why but it got me thinking about my own faith.

i am catholic. at least by virtue of getting baptized and confirmed. i used to go to church every sunday, and join the rosary every day during the month of october. i used to know all the mysteries, and which  days of the week they are prayed.  used to.

at some point in my life i stopped going to church regularly. i believe it was triggered by this priest harping about the state of philippine politics, and how this should be this, and that should be that. i hated politics. i walked out. eventually, i stopped going, 'cept for the occasional wedding or baptism. or some other event. i hated that instead of focusing on the spiritual growth of the congregation, the priests were focusing on politics and the latest "issue."

i remember how during one mass in UP when i was a freshman, the priest began talking about how condoms and the use of is a sin. i think this was the time when flavier had mr. condom the mascot give away little packets of rubbers. i forget now why, but i remember my then "best friend" (later boyfriend, then ex) agreed with the priest that contraception was wrong, because it's against God's teachings.

i was aghast, but then he came from a catholic all boys school. i was a up high school grad, where we were taught the proper use of condoms with visual aids consisting of a pack of rubbers and a banana.

but i digress. RH for later. faith.

i stopped going to mass but i never stopped praying. i'd hold conversations with the Big Guy in my head and tell him all about the goings on in my life which i was certain he already knew about. i always said thanks for the meals i had, knowing not everyone is as fortunate. i prayed for guidance, and sometimes for patience. i prayed for our safe journeys, and for people to be spared by natural calamities. i prayed for the health of my family and all i cared about. i prayed. i still pray.  sometimes i go to mass, mostly i just go to church to kneel and pray in the quiet, or listen to the people sing.

when my mom took issue with the sunday mass thing, i told her that i stopped going to mass but my faith is intact, and i know who my God is. it has ceased to become an issue.

my faith is intact and i am thankful for it. i am not one who is very vocal about believing in God, but i do. without question. i realized a long time ago that faith has nothing to do with religion. and even less to do with politics. i know my God and yes, He is good. all the time.

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