a certain sadness

"Look out the window at that rainstorm
I've let the wind blow up a brainstorm
And now I'm wond'ring whether weather like this gets you, too."

it has been raining on and off for two weeks now. some days the sun manages to peek and, well, sing a few bars of here comes the sun. most days, though, the rain prevails, happily reigning with the dark clouds and the cooler than usual temperature.

growing up i had never minded the rain. except for the occasional storm, the rain was predictable. it would come in at around 3? 4? pm, and then be gone by 5:30 or 6 pm. then come back at dawn and be gone by the time i was ready to go to school. 

it never really had any significance for me, it was just something i had to deal with, and avoid if i didn't want to get my feet dirty. 

as i grew older, however, it started to affect my mood. the first drops of rain after a particularly long series  of SUNNY DAYS sent me into a happy dance, hoping the water would cool the air some. the continuous HABAGAT would bring in gloomy grumpy days. 

fast forward to my forties, and here i am, coming to terms with the fact that for me, rain = introspection. 

rain = whimsical thoughts. rain = melancholy. you get where this is going. 

somehow you end up thinking about your life. i'm sure there's more in these rainy day introspections than there will be when mylifeflashesbeforemyveryeyes when i decide to go up there. 

like right now. sitting in a cafe with a convenient gas space heater on my left side, and an open garden to my right, with rain gently kissing the plants, fog rolling in, and the sound of water drops onto little puddles, i am left with all these thoughts. 

some thoughts are welcome, evoking a smile, wistful, perhaps, but a smile nonetheless. 

but most -- most are sad memories. seems appropriate though, with the rain and all. it is not unpleasant, though, thinking these thoughts, inevitably leading me to think about the now. how i got here, where i'm at. not unpleasant at all. 

but now i am wondering whether weather like this gets you too.  does it?