getting back in the groove, and getting back at bottom-feeders

death is a strange thing. for those who are directly affected, life suddenly stops. meetings cancelled, deadlines extended, occasions forgotten.

but really, life goes on. it is the height of arrogance to presume that the world will stop turning because your little world has stopped. and yet you find yourself resenting the fact that things move on, that friends go to parties, eat out, have fun. no amount of logic will dissuade you from feeling cheated, abandoned, and well, left behind.

the world kept turning when daddy died. court hearings continued, pleadings got filed, meetings proceeded as scheduled. i tried to work at the funeral home but still, it was just half my brain working.

today is the first time that i went to the office since daddy died. try as i may to focus, i find my mind straying, and as i am wont to do when my mind strays, i write. it helps me retain my focus.

so here i am, trying to get back in the saddle, so to speak.

***

how i want to be forgotten

a poem by christina rosetti. i had this written in my notebook when i was in college. i just came across it in a facebook post. still triggers memories.

Remember

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad