Saturday, June 25, 2005

i give in

been avoiding admitting this for too long. i'm lonely.

it's been what? 4 months. i've been doing the rounds, going out 2 or 3 times a week, playing badminton 5 days out of 6, getting a maximum of 6 hours sleep every night.

my body is complaining, but that's tolerable. though i've never been a big fan of medicine, i do know when to quit being a hero.

but the rest of me is a wreck. i've been on automatic mode for months now. i wake up, cook, eat, take a shower, go to work, go out if there's something to do, or go home and sleep. (repeat if desired. rinse.) and the other night, r threatened to pick a fight with me if i persist.

she wants me to cry. but that's too hard. the tears won't come and ease whatever loneliness rests in my soul. the beer dulls it, the sweat mists it. but it never goes away.

i miss _____. what i would give for another year. month. week. day, even. okay, even one measly hour.

i should get some sleep. this is too pathetic already.


  1. Anonymous5:56 AM

    you feel it because you dwell on it. stop looking back at what was, look forward for what can be.

    take everyone as they are, not as you would like them to be. no more expectations. no more fears. stop trying to foresee what might be, or trying to second-guess what fate has in store.

    be like a rock in a stream of water, allow everything to flow around you and past you. close this part of your life like a chapter of a book: check it off as "done", and move on.

    and don't look back. take down those pictures on your table, take away all those gifts, clean up all traces, rage and rant if you can, for at least a while. let yourself start over from scratch.

    that's how i got over you... like you always used to say: "Be happy."

  2. Hello Tita Jessie. Today is another day. And the sun is out!

  3. i will be. give me time.

  4. Anonymous6:24 PM

    you are a gem as you are. no need to cry for one. iloveyoufriend

  5. Anonymous6:32 PM

    Ganun lang talaga.
    Wala nang isip isip
    Ganun lang talaga.

    Wala din namang magagawa.