does this make sense to you?

this morning on the way to work my sister and i were talking about a couple of her friends who actually spent tons of money (well maybe i exaggerate..) just to have their fortunes told, their tarot cards read, and all other things of similar import. it got me thinking, have i ever spent money to have my fortune told? why are they doing this?

the only time i can recall having my fortune told was when my teacher in communications I told the class that she'll read the palms of the first 3 people to finish their essays. i finished second. she read my palm. no surprises there -- one great love, several affairs, will have to work hard to get what i want.... yada yada yada. oh and one other time when my brother-in-law's cousin offered to read my palm. he wanted to open my third eye. i said no thankee and he just told me then that if i wanted something bad enough, i'm just going to have to ask really hard because somebody unseen was waiting around to grant my desires.

but i never paid for them.

people pay to be told their future. does this mean that the future has happened and it's just waiting for us to arrive? that the life we are leading is just a road we're following and we have no control over the events that take place because they're already fixed? (does this paragraph make sense to you?)

i find that scary. it's like i'm following a script i didn't even know i read, and that all the mistakes, achievements, and other landmarks in my life were dictated. preordained. programmed. one big movie. somebody actually wrote it into the script that i am going to feel this much happiness, this much pain... what kind of life is that? is that even a life at all?

on the other hand, people say that you choose your destiny. choose it? with the choices we make at every crossroad we come to? so for each person there are gazillions of futures and every choice made will dictate which future you'll arrive at? my sister said it's just like those "choose your own adventure" books. each decision leads to a different page and a different destiny. so is it like that? but that's also preordained.

parallel universes perhaps? at some other universe i'm making different choices and experiencing different things, and going to a different path. but it's still me. and sometimes i and the other mes make the same choices that lead to the same place but at different times? (that would explain deja vu some). would that be preordained?

hmmm. this is making me dizzy.

food for thought. if the "future" is preordained, then wouldn't every single authentic tarot reader or palm reader say the same thing? or are they just giving the possibilities?

hmmm. do they go to fortune tellers because they need something to believe in? they need to be told that they're going to be alright, that they'll find love, they'll be happy? if that's the case then i suppose i would gladly pay for that assurance.


but still, i would like to think that my life is my own, and my future unknown. to anyone. that my mistakes are mine, achievements mine, happiness all mine. that they are my own doing. nobody to blame but me, but at least i'm not following somebody else's script.

so i'll ask you again, did this post make sense?