on feeling ugly

the other day a friend of mine asked me if there were days when i felt ugly. i responded and said, yes, i've been having weeks of it.

i don't really know what brings it on, but lately, i've been feeling ugly, and worse, unwanted.

it's nothing i can really explain. i cannot point to any one thing or person and say that person/thing is the cause of this feeling.

i can't. i wish i could, then i could just address the thing.

i've felt this before. more times than i can count. my only consolation is that the feeling passes, sometimes quickly, sometimes after multiple sessions with my good friend red horse, and a good beating on the head.

seriously though, i am thankful it goes away. i don't think i could deal with feeling ugly for a long long long time. sabi nga ng nanay ko, "wala akong anak na pangit" (as my mom says "i do not have ugly children.")