getting melancholy

first day of the bar. had to wake up at 5 because my sister was calling me. hell i asked for a 545 wake up call. but then i understood that i had to WAKE UP! it was bar day!

so i did. breakfast, pack stuff, last minute reading, quick shower then off to la salle. sigh. we almost didn't make it because i left my lunch and goodie bag in the hotel room. but make it we did, thanks to mang ramon our driver, tiborce who made a run for my lunch, and my dad and sister who made sure we wouldn't have to talk to the chairman of the bar committee just to gain admittance. (yes, they do that if you're late)

it was the usual bedlam. schools had their usual welcoming committees lined up under the lrt screaming GOOD LUCK! GOD BLESS! WE WILL TOPS DA BAR!. people were waving, confetti everywhere, bands here and there. tents set up everywhere. people in shirts with various mottos and school logos. it was a fiesta. it was chaotic. and there on the street were cops who had cordoned the area to keep the spectators away from the multitude of barristers who all looked like they were walking to their doom. me included.

then it hit me. not panic, mind you. not even resignation. i suddenly felt sad.

i looked at the spectators and wasn't really seeing them. i remembered how i had envisioned this day would be. wen would go with me from the hotel and walk me to the closed off area and kiss me good luck. then he would run to that place under the lrt and cheer me on. that was how i imagined it would be. back then.

but then there i was. walking with my notes, loaded with a bag filled with books and my trusty jacket. tiborce, my sister and my dad were there, cheering me on. but no wen. like i said, it made me sad. and after wallowing in that sadness for about 5 minutes, i put the vision away.

it was like putting away a well loved toy. the toy that gets set aside either because it had been outgrown, or it was too old and tattered to withstand further handling. i felt a distinct twinge somewhere in the region of my heart.

i think i was saddened more by the thought that what i had envisioned wasn't there, rather than the actual fact of his absence. does that make sense? is there a difference?

oh well. i snapped out of it after a while. mainly because some idiot was screaming something at me... he was calling me dawmingsu (or whatever the hell that taiwanese guy's character's name is). if i wasn't taking the bar i would have jumped the ropes and hit him with my goodie bag.

that's it. after the bar, i am definitely having a hair cut!

night people. time to sleep.