home sweet home. there's something about the smell of home. you can't really describe it but you know what it is. if comfort had a smell, that would be it.

got home last night and it's been the most restful sleep i have had in quite some time. plus when i woke up my nephews and my niece were here... ahhhh bliss.

i don't really know why i left home to study in the first place. i love it here, despite all the quarrels, the hassles, the financial struggles (which fade into a distant haze every time i go back to school), i am happiest here. i can just stay at home and bake to my heart's content. or make chocolates. yet i left. that was 11 years ago.

i still remember how i felt the first night i spent away from home. it was a day before the first day of classes and my mom brought me to the dorm. we were carrying boxes and pails and all the essentials required for dorm living.

when i stepped into my room i looked in dismay. the paint was peeling, they had those metal beds that looked like they had been rescued from a life in prison, the windows were screened off to keep the bugs away so there was no view to speak of, the mattress was lumpy and the room was small! to top it off, i was sharing the room with a stranger i had yet to encounter.

when my mom left i sat on the bed and cried. i was 16 years old, away from home and i was in a room that looked like a closet.

eventually my roommate arrived. she turned out to be a really cool person. we're still in touch. she made my dorm life bearable. but i digress.

i left home to study. i ended up in the dorm feeling like i shouldn't have. but you know what? i grew to like that room. i began to look forward to coming home to the dorm so i could sit on the bed and wedge myself into the corner.

but home was still home. and now, 11 years later i still long for home. i plan to go back here assuming i pass the bar, and work here. it would be good to be back. cost of living is lower, parents a drive away, kids a shorter drive away... yes i think i'm going to like that.

it would be like a new beginning for me. well maybe it is.

so i'm going back to manila on monday feeling renewed i hope. i have to pass the bar. it would be the only way for me to come home for good.

so hit the books, i must.

and cease this senseless rambling.