i seem to have lost some important papers and in my quest for the lost papers, i came across a tretorn box. it looked familiar and when i opened it, i saw a bundle of citibank bills, all unopened. must have arrived while i was out of the country.
under the bundle of bills, there were a lot of notes, written on torn notebook paper, letters and cards. all from the other ex.
i read through about 3 or 4 notes and cards. i have not spoken or heard from him in almost 2 years, mainly because his wife gets into a fit every time he does.
strange that he was the one i was with the longest, and yet he's the one i have no contact with. i have managed to stay friends with my exes, see.
i didn't mind the lack of contact. frankly, i've written him off. i would always just shrug my shoulders and shake the thought of him off, like a half remembered dream.
this morning, however, i found myself missing him. maybe it was because of the letters, or maybe because i suddenly remembered how thoughtful and loving he was. i had forgotten.
i used to think that missing him meant i still felt something "girlfriend-y" and i refused to let myself miss him, or even think about him, unless it was to rant.
when i looked at the box and the contents, i just let it flow over me, and i just let myself miss him. it felt good, i'm surprised to admit. it's been too long since i let myself feel anything for him other than a mild frustration.
well there it is. i miss him and i do hope he is well.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
on growing up.
got a message the other day from the ex-could-have-been-the-one inviting me to attend the birthday party of his kid.
i waited for the pang and the slight twinge of pain i always felt when he sends me a message. i waited for the tiny sliver of envy that always manages to sneak its way into my heart every time i think of him as married, and me as single.
i waited and waited. nothing came.
i sat there and stared at my phone and decided it was a good time to receive a message of that nature from someone i had once imagined spending the rest of my life with.
with a tiny smile i sent my regrets and an advanced happy father's day greeting. he responded with a thank you and a smile.
and that, i thought, was that.
i waited for the pang and the slight twinge of pain i always felt when he sends me a message. i waited for the tiny sliver of envy that always manages to sneak its way into my heart every time i think of him as married, and me as single.
i waited and waited. nothing came.
i sat there and stared at my phone and decided it was a good time to receive a message of that nature from someone i had once imagined spending the rest of my life with.
with a tiny smile i sent my regrets and an advanced happy father's day greeting. he responded with a thank you and a smile.
and that, i thought, was that.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Monday, June 09, 2008
who you calling pig?
had a baby shower for my sister yesterday. since the "coming soon" baby is a girl, we decided on pink and white balloons. we found those long balloon things that clowns twist to form animals.
on a whim i decided to look for instructions on balloon twisting on the net. i had success making a balloon dog but the picture of the animals below, albeit incomplete, shows my best efforts yet. :D i'm so proud.
on a whim i decided to look for instructions on balloon twisting on the net. i had success making a balloon dog but the picture of the animals below, albeit incomplete, shows my best efforts yet. :D i'm so proud.
Friday, June 06, 2008
si manang mani
matagal ko nang nabalitaan na na-feature si manang mani sa mel & joey, ang talk show sa gma-7. di ko nga lang napanood.
kanina napanood ko na sya finally sa sayote republic.
si manang mani, nakita na ata akong tumanda, at lumaki (at oo, tumaba). simula first year high school, hanggang sa gumradweyt ako, kumakain ako ng mangga na benta ni manang mani.
ganito yan. ang baon ko, 5 pesos. ang mangga, 5 pesos. so pupunta ako sa kanya bago ako papasok. kakain ako ng mangga ng 730 ng umaga. tapos babayaran ko yun. wala na akong baon ng hapon kaya kinabukasan na ako ulit kakain ng mangga.
eh nalaman ko na nagpapautang pala si manang mani. kaya ang naging gawain ko ng apat na taon, uutang ako ng mangga sa umaga kasi yung baon ko, ibabayad ko sa inutang kong mangga nung nakaraang hapon. apat na taon akong pinapautang ni manang mani. at hindi sya naniningil. nagbabayad kami ng kusa. hindi naman ganoon kalaki ang kinikita sa mani at mangga. pero ni minsan hindi nagdamot si manang.
minsan, uupo ako dun para magsumbong o magkwento kay manang. nung bawal pa akong mag-boyfriend, kay manang ako nagbibilin para dun sa boyfriend ko. nasubaybayan niya na rin ang lablayp ko at ang buhay ng mga kapatid ko na nag-aral din sa up. gaya nung sabi sa video, nag-iiwan din ako ng gamit kay manang. o nag-iiwan ng gamit para sa akin doon sa pwesto nya.
ngayon, di na ako umuutang. pumupunta na ako kay manang mani para kumain ng mangga, at umorder ng alamang. may pambayad na kasi ako ngayon.
nakakatuwa. naging simbolo para sa marami si manang mani. isa syang taong marangal, mabait, mapagmahal, mapagbigay. buti naipakita sa mas marami kung paano dapat ang isang tao.
ngayon ko lang nalaman na lolita pala ang pangalan ni manang mani. pero para sa kin, si manang mani pa rin sya.
i lab you manang.
kanina napanood ko na sya finally sa sayote republic.
si manang mani, nakita na ata akong tumanda, at lumaki (at oo, tumaba). simula first year high school, hanggang sa gumradweyt ako, kumakain ako ng mangga na benta ni manang mani.
ganito yan. ang baon ko, 5 pesos. ang mangga, 5 pesos. so pupunta ako sa kanya bago ako papasok. kakain ako ng mangga ng 730 ng umaga. tapos babayaran ko yun. wala na akong baon ng hapon kaya kinabukasan na ako ulit kakain ng mangga.
eh nalaman ko na nagpapautang pala si manang mani. kaya ang naging gawain ko ng apat na taon, uutang ako ng mangga sa umaga kasi yung baon ko, ibabayad ko sa inutang kong mangga nung nakaraang hapon. apat na taon akong pinapautang ni manang mani. at hindi sya naniningil. nagbabayad kami ng kusa. hindi naman ganoon kalaki ang kinikita sa mani at mangga. pero ni minsan hindi nagdamot si manang.
minsan, uupo ako dun para magsumbong o magkwento kay manang. nung bawal pa akong mag-boyfriend, kay manang ako nagbibilin para dun sa boyfriend ko. nasubaybayan niya na rin ang lablayp ko at ang buhay ng mga kapatid ko na nag-aral din sa up. gaya nung sabi sa video, nag-iiwan din ako ng gamit kay manang. o nag-iiwan ng gamit para sa akin doon sa pwesto nya.
ngayon, di na ako umuutang. pumupunta na ako kay manang mani para kumain ng mangga, at umorder ng alamang. may pambayad na kasi ako ngayon.
nakakatuwa. naging simbolo para sa marami si manang mani. isa syang taong marangal, mabait, mapagmahal, mapagbigay. buti naipakita sa mas marami kung paano dapat ang isang tao.
ngayon ko lang nalaman na lolita pala ang pangalan ni manang mani. pero para sa kin, si manang mani pa rin sya.
i lab you manang.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Pilipinas kong mahal
i ate too much during lunch so i decided to walk to the mediation center from the office. it was a good 15 minute walk, no mean feat when you consider the tiny heels supporting my not-so-tiny-food-enhanced frame.
borce went with me and during the walk we noticed several posters mounted on the inside of the establishments lining session road. it said "Pilipinas kong Mahal" or loosely (i think) "Philippines my Love." i prefer My Beloved Philippines.
it struck me in its simplicity. i considered it a bonus that there is absolutely nothing written on the front or back indicating which agency, government or otherwise, had the posters and stickers printed out and distributed.
it got me thinking. i have had my share of statements along the lines of "hay, pilipino kasi," or "ang mga pinoy talaga," always in the same exasperated and frustrated tone. i have also had my share of "why can't we be like the __________ (insert nationality here)?."
but i also have instances when i get frustrated, i get pissed, and i just want to get up and just strangle someone and say nakakahiya ka, pinoy ka pa naman.
often i feel the misery and fear of living here. to think that i am gainfully employed, and i have food and shelter. i don't have to worry about what i will eat tomorrow or the next day, or even next week. but i feel the misery, albeit vicariously, and i see it everyday.
when my high school classmate sam asked me why i don't leave this forsaken place (his words, not mine), i said "mahal ko pa ang pilipinas, but ask me again in 2 years" and we both left it at that.
when i saw the posters i got struck a bit and felt almost weepy. that's it. that's why i'm still here. (but like i said, ask me again in 2 years.:)
in the meantime, suffice it to say that the poster stirred up very deeply rooted feelings of pride and nationalism. i wouldn't go so far as to say that it stirred me enough to take a big bolo and take a swipe at the head of... let's not go there. it stirred me.
well, enough to have my picture taken at least. so here it is. "Pilipinas kong Mahal"
borce went with me and during the walk we noticed several posters mounted on the inside of the establishments lining session road. it said "Pilipinas kong Mahal" or loosely (i think) "Philippines my Love." i prefer My Beloved Philippines.
it struck me in its simplicity. i considered it a bonus that there is absolutely nothing written on the front or back indicating which agency, government or otherwise, had the posters and stickers printed out and distributed.
it got me thinking. i have had my share of statements along the lines of "hay, pilipino kasi," or "ang mga pinoy talaga," always in the same exasperated and frustrated tone. i have also had my share of "why can't we be like the __________ (insert nationality here)?."
but i also have instances when i get frustrated, i get pissed, and i just want to get up and just strangle someone and say nakakahiya ka, pinoy ka pa naman.
often i feel the misery and fear of living here. to think that i am gainfully employed, and i have food and shelter. i don't have to worry about what i will eat tomorrow or the next day, or even next week. but i feel the misery, albeit vicariously, and i see it everyday.
when my high school classmate sam asked me why i don't leave this forsaken place (his words, not mine), i said "mahal ko pa ang pilipinas, but ask me again in 2 years" and we both left it at that.
when i saw the posters i got struck a bit and felt almost weepy. that's it. that's why i'm still here. (but like i said, ask me again in 2 years.:)
in the meantime, suffice it to say that the poster stirred up very deeply rooted feelings of pride and nationalism. i wouldn't go so far as to say that it stirred me enough to take a big bolo and take a swipe at the head of... let's not go there. it stirred me.
well, enough to have my picture taken at least. so here it is. "Pilipinas kong Mahal"
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Daywalker
finally. i'm back in the land of the daywalkers.
for those who didn't know, i had a stint with a call center for the past 5 months. i now have a newfound respect for people who have been working the graveyard shift for more than 2 weeks because really, it almost did me in. but the agents kept going, and i couldn't help but admire it.
i thought i was going to get used to it but no such luck.
so now here i am. awake during daylight, and i look forward to sleeping at night.
and i have decided to go back to blogging. (as of press time, this is my decision.)
see you all.
for those who didn't know, i had a stint with a call center for the past 5 months. i now have a newfound respect for people who have been working the graveyard shift for more than 2 weeks because really, it almost did me in. but the agents kept going, and i couldn't help but admire it.
i thought i was going to get used to it but no such luck.
so now here i am. awake during daylight, and i look forward to sleeping at night.
and i have decided to go back to blogging. (as of press time, this is my decision.)
see you all.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
greed
i have never understood it. i've seen it but i have never understood it.
and the fact that i see it in my family galls me more than i can ever explain.
and the fact that i see it in my family galls me more than i can ever explain.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Monday, February 11, 2008
hanggang sa susunod na red horse, noe.
noe tio, june 26, 1961 - february 11, 2008
it all happened so fast. last saturday, february 2, noe, chris, and i were out celebrating chris's birthday.
february 9, 2008, i was on my way to la union to celebrate my nephew's second birthday when chris called me to say that noe had suffered a stroke and was due for a CT scan and surgery.
i came back the next day and went straight to the hospital. noe was in bad shape. so i said my goodbyes and left. he died a few hours later. i visited him at the morgue. he was still warm. pardon me if i seem a bit morbid.
we hung around a while, me with my laptop (i had a hearing at 830), bebang with all her bags in tow (she just came from manila), chris with a smoke and a bottle of water.
he was such a happy soul. i didn't know where he was from, i didn't know his history, i didn't even know how old he was. but it didn't matter because when he was with you you didn't need to know these things. all you needed to know was that he made your soul smile.
noe, mamimiss kita. sayang, hindi ka pa naman seloso. pabaunan kita ng red horse.
*image courtesy of www.joeyayala.com
Monday, January 21, 2008
UP at 100
ripped from Karen.
1. Student number?
92-40603
2. College?
UP Diliman -- College of Engineering (1st 3 years)
-- Office of the University Registrar (hahahah! non-major ako eh.)
-- College of Home Economics
UP Diliman -- College of Law
3. Ano ang course mo?
BS Geodetic Engineering (na-dismiss), B Interior Design; Bachelor of Laws
4. Nag-shift ka ba o na-kickout?
Ah, yes.
5. Saan ka kumuha ng UPCAT?
UP Baguio College Auditorium.
6. Favorite GE subject?
Communication I & II
7. Favorite PE?
Fencing and Arnis
8. Saan ka nag-aabang ng hot guy sa UP?
Sa Sunken Garden. Nung may wall climbing pa sa Main Lib. Butt-watching.
9. Favorite prof(s)
Professor Florendo as Interior Design.
Deans Agabin and Carlota, Prof. Baviera and Prof. Muyot sa Law.
10. Pinaka-ayaw na GE subject.
NatSci 1. Buset.
11. Kumuha ka ba ng Wed or Sat classes?
Rarely.
12. Nakapag-field trip ka ba?
But of course! Naiwanan pa nga ako ng bus.
13. Naging CS ka na ba or US sa UP?
CS pag walang sciences. :))
14. Ano ang Org/Frat/Soro mo?
UP volleyball club. Saver. UPVVC
15. Saan ka tumatambay palagi?
Sa rooftop ng Yia hall. Sunken. Oval. Minsan sa lagoon. :P
16. Dorm, Boarding house, o Bahay?
Dorm, boarding house, at bahay.
17. Kung walang UPCAT test at malaya kang nakapili ng kurso mo sa UP, ano yun?
Marine Biology. Tanga lang kasi ako at di ko alam na merong ganung course.
18. Sino ang pinaka-una mong nakilala sa UP?
Roommate ko sa Kalayaan. Si Dimps. AKA Rumi.
19. First play na napanood mo sa UP?
Taos. Panalo itong play na ito.
20. Name the 5 most conyo orgs in UP
Wala akong alam sa mga ganyan eh.
21. Name 5 of the coolest orgs/frats/soro in UP.
Pwede ba coolest people na lang?
22. May frat/soro bang nag-recruit sa yo?
Yep.
23. Saan ka madalas mag-lunch?
UP Diliman -- Beach House. Casaa. Rodic's. At ang sari-saring Aristocart sa campus.
24. Masaya ba sa UP?
Best years of my life.
25. Nakasama ka na ba sa rally?
Syempre naman.
26. Ilang beses ka bumoto sa Student Council
Taon-taon.
27. Name at least 5 leftist groups in UP
Sus naman.
28. Pinangarap mo rin bang mag-laude nung freshman ka?
A oo. Nanatili syang pangarap.
29. Kanino ka pinaka-patay sa UP?
Hmmm. Nung college, si Wen. Nung wala na kami, si 'Ny.
30. Kung di ka UP, anong school ka?
Di ko alam. Since high school, UP or nothing ako eh. Buti na lang pumasa ako dun.
--------------------------------
1. Student number?
92-40603
2. College?
UP Diliman -- College of Engineering (1st 3 years)
-- Office of the University Registrar (hahahah! non-major ako eh.)
-- College of Home Economics
UP Diliman -- College of Law
3. Ano ang course mo?
BS Geodetic Engineering (na-dismiss), B Interior Design; Bachelor of Laws
4. Nag-shift ka ba o na-kickout?
Ah, yes.
5. Saan ka kumuha ng UPCAT?
UP Baguio College Auditorium.
6. Favorite GE subject?
Communication I & II
7. Favorite PE?
Fencing and Arnis
8. Saan ka nag-aabang ng hot guy sa UP?
Sa Sunken Garden. Nung may wall climbing pa sa Main Lib. Butt-watching.
9. Favorite prof(s)
Professor Florendo as Interior Design.
Deans Agabin and Carlota, Prof. Baviera and Prof. Muyot sa Law.
10. Pinaka-ayaw na GE subject.
NatSci 1. Buset.
11. Kumuha ka ba ng Wed or Sat classes?
Rarely.
12. Nakapag-field trip ka ba?
But of course! Naiwanan pa nga ako ng bus.
13. Naging CS ka na ba or US sa UP?
CS pag walang sciences. :))
14. Ano ang Org/Frat/Soro mo?
UP volleyball club. Saver. UPVVC
15. Saan ka tumatambay palagi?
Sa rooftop ng Yia hall. Sunken. Oval. Minsan sa lagoon. :P
16. Dorm, Boarding house, o Bahay?
Dorm, boarding house, at bahay.
17. Kung walang UPCAT test at malaya kang nakapili ng kurso mo sa UP, ano yun?
Marine Biology. Tanga lang kasi ako at di ko alam na merong ganung course.
18. Sino ang pinaka-una mong nakilala sa UP?
Roommate ko sa Kalayaan. Si Dimps. AKA Rumi.
19. First play na napanood mo sa UP?
Taos. Panalo itong play na ito.
20. Name the 5 most conyo orgs in UP
Wala akong alam sa mga ganyan eh.
21. Name 5 of the coolest orgs/frats/soro in UP.
Pwede ba coolest people na lang?
22. May frat/soro bang nag-recruit sa yo?
Yep.
23. Saan ka madalas mag-lunch?
UP Diliman -- Beach House. Casaa. Rodic's. At ang sari-saring Aristocart sa campus.
24. Masaya ba sa UP?
Best years of my life.
25. Nakasama ka na ba sa rally?
Syempre naman.
26. Ilang beses ka bumoto sa Student Council
Taon-taon.
27. Name at least 5 leftist groups in UP
Sus naman.
28. Pinangarap mo rin bang mag-laude nung freshman ka?
A oo. Nanatili syang pangarap.
29. Kanino ka pinaka-patay sa UP?
Hmmm. Nung college, si Wen. Nung wala na kami, si 'Ny.
30. Kung di ka UP, anong school ka?
Di ko alam. Since high school, UP or nothing ako eh. Buti na lang pumasa ako dun.
--------------------------------
Saturday, December 01, 2007
wala lang.
took the 430 pm bus from manila yesterday. veteran traveler that i am i had a blanket with me, a bonnet, a warm sweater, and thick socks in my bag for back up.
it was still warm when we left manila but i had a blanket out. to my surprise, the young lady beside me had a blanket too, which made me smile. we got comfortable and as i am wont to do when i travel, i slept.
the bus got colder as the night wore on. at some point i took my socks out and wore them, and covered my head with the blanket because it was freezing in the bus. with all my covering i was still cold and i could feel my face getting colder by the minute.
i took a quick glance around the bus and saw this guy and his girlfriend, huddled against the cold. i couldn't help but tsk tsk when i saw that the guy had no jacket on, and the girl was wearing a tiny thin windbreaker, which is useless in mobile freezers like the one we were in.
i felt a tinge of envy, though, because frankly, i would have preferred a warm body to snuggle up to. instead, i had my winter clothing keeping me warm.
oh well, at the end of the trip he was still freezing, and i was a bit warm. can't win 'em all.
it was still warm when we left manila but i had a blanket out. to my surprise, the young lady beside me had a blanket too, which made me smile. we got comfortable and as i am wont to do when i travel, i slept.
the bus got colder as the night wore on. at some point i took my socks out and wore them, and covered my head with the blanket because it was freezing in the bus. with all my covering i was still cold and i could feel my face getting colder by the minute.
i took a quick glance around the bus and saw this guy and his girlfriend, huddled against the cold. i couldn't help but tsk tsk when i saw that the guy had no jacket on, and the girl was wearing a tiny thin windbreaker, which is useless in mobile freezers like the one we were in.
i felt a tinge of envy, though, because frankly, i would have preferred a warm body to snuggle up to. instead, i had my winter clothing keeping me warm.
oh well, at the end of the trip he was still freezing, and i was a bit warm. can't win 'em all.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
badong, the latest victim
sab told me about teddy te's post.
my first reaction was, 'tangnang mga 'to.
wasn't it bad enough that under raul's deanship the better professors left the college? wasn't it bad enough that they put dean agabin on instructor status?. wasn't it bad enough that they installed professors who had no idea what "teaching" entailed?
dean badong is well loved. he taught us so well that even now, off the top of my head, i can answer questions about public office and administrative law. we have such fond memories of his stories in class, of him whistling "stella by starlight," of him teaching us what it was to be good by example, all the while teaching law in the grand manner.
these professors make me almost ashamed to be from the same college. the only saving grace is that people like badong and agabin come from the same place. like someone once said "up law has had its share of heroes and scoundrels."
go figure under which category those people on the public statement fall under.
my first reaction was, 'tangnang mga 'to.
wasn't it bad enough that under raul's deanship the better professors left the college? wasn't it bad enough that they put dean agabin on instructor status?. wasn't it bad enough that they installed professors who had no idea what "teaching" entailed?
dean badong is well loved. he taught us so well that even now, off the top of my head, i can answer questions about public office and administrative law. we have such fond memories of his stories in class, of him whistling "stella by starlight," of him teaching us what it was to be good by example, all the while teaching law in the grand manner.
these professors make me almost ashamed to be from the same college. the only saving grace is that people like badong and agabin come from the same place. like someone once said "up law has had its share of heroes and scoundrels."
go figure under which category those people on the public statement fall under.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
do the math
the government subsidy for each inmate in the city jail is 10 pesos or roughly .23 cents per day.
that covers their food and who knows what else.
10 pesos for 3 meals. 3.33 pesos per meal.
i couldn't even begin to imagine living on that kind of budget.
get this. inmates are charged 10 pesos for every call they make or take. if their lawyers need to call them 3 times in 1 day, they pay 30 pesos.
i'm just a lawyer. mahina ako sa math. pero 'nyeta naman. kahit ako kaya kong i-compute yan. at kahit paano ko bali-baliktarin ang mga numero, hindi tatama.
what a fucked up system.
that covers their food and who knows what else.
10 pesos for 3 meals. 3.33 pesos per meal.
i couldn't even begin to imagine living on that kind of budget.
get this. inmates are charged 10 pesos for every call they make or take. if their lawyers need to call them 3 times in 1 day, they pay 30 pesos.
i'm just a lawyer. mahina ako sa math. pero 'nyeta naman. kahit ako kaya kong i-compute yan. at kahit paano ko bali-baliktarin ang mga numero, hindi tatama.
what a fucked up system.
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