nemo's dead and michael jackson killed him!!!!

gotcha didn't i?

michael jackson and nemo are my nephew carlo's gold fish. he named them himself. michael jackson was there first. then nemo arrived.

i don't really know why he named the first fish michael jackson. nemo is understandable but i think the michael jackson name jinxed the fish.

my sister said nemo died because michael jackson got territorial. she said that nemo never really felt at home there and he probably felt like he didn't belong.

i begged to disagree. i told her exactly what caused nemo's death.

michael jackson molested him. and no one can convince me otherwise.

thanks bading

yesterday was a bad day all around. my parents have been in the hospital for almost two weeks already and yesterday we found out my dad has dengue and my mom might be in danger too.

got a severe talking to at work and i walked out of the conference room thinking i must be really stupid.

things at the romantic front aren't any better.

i've never really appreciated the meaning of the phrase "falling apart at the seams." that's what it felt like. and for a moment all i could do was sit down and try not to bawl my eyes out.

sent messages to a couple of friends and one of them told me to have faith, that i shouldn't let my emotions take control of me, and that everything will be fine. i believed him.

but this text message from my beautiful pregnant friend takes the cake:

hey... it's okay. we all have bad days. tom will be better promise. ur dad wil get bettr. ur mom wont catch it. work's just work, u know. and love..wel we know that's a rollr coastr ride. basta isipn mo n lng, u hav 2 stay gorgeous. anong isipn ng anak ko? that i keep ugly company??

needless to say, that put things into perspective. i sent her a message telling her that she needn't fear, i will always be gorgeous. (ahem). to which she replied, "good. yun lang naman ang immediate concern ko eh."

sometimes, when you feel that everything is going dark, the Big Guy Up There sends someone to do His work and give you hope. no matter how absurd the delivery is.

whoever said that He doesn't have a sense of humor is dead wrong.

the high point of my life this month. so far.

wednesday last week found me waking up at 4 in the morning to get ready for a flight to cebu. it was a company thing, and our flight was at 7:30. because i live several provinces away from the airport, my pick up was at 5.

slept on my way to the airport but i was wide awake when i got there at 5:45. my companion richard's pick up was at 6 so it was a good 45 minutes before he arrived.

we checked in and waited. i brought a book along and was reading when richard nudged me, pointing to a guy who was reading a few meters away from us. it was marc nelson (did i get that right?).

i merely nodded. nice face (almost feminine, i thought), nice body. carrying a book. hmmm. pogi points.

after observing him for a while, i went back to my book.

our flight was delayed for an hour. when we got there i was almost cranky because the itinerary we got specifically stated that our orientation was to start at 10. and we got there at 9:30.

we went to get our checked-in luggage. saw marc nelson again, standing there near the conveyor belt. he was with a tall guy in a black shirt and a cap, and an old lady.

i glanced at them, glanced away, and whipped my head back to look. SI PIOLO!

i started shaking richard's arm (almost tore it off, more likely) all the while saying, "si piolo, si piolo!!!" richard started laughing. he could not elicit a decent response from me regarding marc nelson and here i was, going gaga over piolo pascual.

i know, i know. they say he's gay. but man, standing there all i could think about was how good looking he was, and how beautiful his eyes were.

i didn't have the guts to go near and have our picture taken. it would have been friendster-worthy but as i found out, i'm chicken.

i liked seeing him though. and i told all and sundry that i saw him at the airport.

sigh.

does this make sense to you?

this morning on the way to work my sister and i were talking about a couple of her friends who actually spent tons of money (well maybe i exaggerate..) just to have their fortunes told, their tarot cards read, and all other things of similar import. it got me thinking, have i ever spent money to have my fortune told? why are they doing this?

the only time i can recall having my fortune told was when my teacher in communications I told the class that she'll read the palms of the first 3 people to finish their essays. i finished second. she read my palm. no surprises there -- one great love, several affairs, will have to work hard to get what i want.... yada yada yada. oh and one other time when my brother-in-law's cousin offered to read my palm. he wanted to open my third eye. i said no thankee and he just told me then that if i wanted something bad enough, i'm just going to have to ask really hard because somebody unseen was waiting around to grant my desires.

but i never paid for them.

people pay to be told their future. does this mean that the future has happened and it's just waiting for us to arrive? that the life we are leading is just a road we're following and we have no control over the events that take place because they're already fixed? (does this paragraph make sense to you?)

i find that scary. it's like i'm following a script i didn't even know i read, and that all the mistakes, achievements, and other landmarks in my life were dictated. preordained. programmed. one big movie. somebody actually wrote it into the script that i am going to feel this much happiness, this much pain... what kind of life is that? is that even a life at all?

on the other hand, people say that you choose your destiny. choose it? with the choices we make at every crossroad we come to? so for each person there are gazillions of futures and every choice made will dictate which future you'll arrive at? my sister said it's just like those "choose your own adventure" books. each decision leads to a different page and a different destiny. so is it like that? but that's also preordained.

parallel universes perhaps? at some other universe i'm making different choices and experiencing different things, and going to a different path. but it's still me. and sometimes i and the other mes make the same choices that lead to the same place but at different times? (that would explain deja vu some). would that be preordained?

hmmm. this is making me dizzy.

food for thought. if the "future" is preordained, then wouldn't every single authentic tarot reader or palm reader say the same thing? or are they just giving the possibilities?

hmmm. do they go to fortune tellers because they need something to believe in? they need to be told that they're going to be alright, that they'll find love, they'll be happy? if that's the case then i suppose i would gladly pay for that assurance.


but still, i would like to think that my life is my own, and my future unknown. to anyone. that my mistakes are mine, achievements mine, happiness all mine. that they are my own doing. nobody to blame but me, but at least i'm not following somebody else's script.

so i'll ask you again, did this post make sense?

dem lights are on but ders nobody home

me. going to the 41st floor from the 44th. gets on elevator, stares at door. realizes didn't press button. gets off at 39th. goes into another elevator. gets off at 41st.

me. going to 44th floor from the 42nd. with a paper cup full of steaming mocha. gets on elevator, stares at door. presses button. realizes elevator going down. gets off at the 40th. waits for another elevator, goes in, gets off at 44th. cup still steaming.

sigh.

and so it goes

j: ika nga ni Qui-Gon Jinn, "patience my young padawan. keep your thoughts and feelings on the here and now."
me: that, absurdly, makes me want to cry.

totally embarrassing. there i was, sitting in front of my pc and crying.

bad form.

but thanks, j, for the concern. it did make me feel somewhat better, after the embarrassment, that is. :)

losing the faith

i have always made it a point to go to church every sunday. i have been doing it all my life and i always found a certain amount of comfort and peace during mass. particularly when the people who don't know each other start singing together. of course people sing at concerts too, but it's not really the same thing.

last year however, i can't really pinpoint when, i decided not to go. at first it was just "i don't really feel like it." then i stopped going altogether. this year i have gone to church exactly 4 times. new year's day, ash wednesday, palm sunday, and easter sunday.

what happened?

i don't really know. it seems as if i've been wrestling with my demons for so long that i couldn't bring myself to go to church, even to go through the motions. it doesn't feel right.

i want to go back. i want to listen to the people singing in unison, even if i don't know the songs. i want the comfort and peace i used to find there, no matter how troubled i was. the few times i went, i was just as disturbed when i left as when i entered.

i want to go back. i want to know that no matter how badly i screwed up my life, i can always go to church and be absolved of my sins. it is the one place i am certain i will not be condemned. but i can't bring myself to attend mass.

strange. i know i can always go. but i guess i have to forgive myself some before i can.

di ko pa kayang humarap sa Diyos.

still riding her own melt

there we were, at the malcolm theater in the college of law. it was freshman orientation and we were all milling around the room, looking for familiar faces.

somebody backed into me and exclaimed for the world to hear:

"AY PUKE MO!"

i got startled but i calmly delivered the only logical answer in my head:

"PUKE MO RIN."

we've been friends ever since. but that's just making the long story short.

we like the same books and we laugh at the same jokes. she's smart, with a quick wit, and is never at a loss for words. fiercely loyal to the people she cares about. she's seen me through a lot of low times, and i was forunate enough to have been there when she had hers.

independent. horribly so. but not averse to receiving stuff.

dances really well, and flirts without knowing it. hehehe. and this girl knows how to p a r t y.

we waited for midnight for her birthday last night, and i remember thinking (looking at her while she was making googly eyes at the bassist) -- life is manageable and a lot more interesting because she's there.

hapi beerdey renski. lab u.

things come in threes.

got tagged by anna katrina ages ago. here goes.

Three names you go by:
1. tina b.
2. tins
3. tintoy

Three physical things you like about yourself:
1. nose
2. fingers and toes (will this count as 2?)
3. eyes (looking haunted at the moment, but i like them still.)

Three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. too thin hair (i like my hair, and it's not that i'm complaining, but i could do with a little more.)
2. logs, logs, logs.
3. and more logs.

Three parts of your heritage:
1. Filipino
2. Spanish
3. (2 na lang.)

Three things that scare you:
1. worms.
2. outliving the people i love
3. worms. ugh.

Three of your everyday essentials:
1. drinking water
2. stories
3. home cooked meals

Three of your favorite musical artists:
1. sting
2. U2
3. billy joel

Three of your favorite songs:
1. she's got a way - billy joel
2. ghost - indigo girls
3. there we are -- james taylor

Three things you want in a relationship:
1. love (of course)
2. humor
3. passion

Three lies and truths in no particular order:
1. i'm happy
2. i'm practically perfect in every way. :D
3. this too shall pass.

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you:
1. eyes i can drown in
2. yummy lips
3. clean, capable hands

Three of your favorite hobbies:
1. reading
2. writing
3. cooking

Three things you want to do really badly now:
1. bum around at some beach
2. buy a motorcycle
3. get my car kojak overhauled

Three careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. pilot
2. ambulance driver
3. chef

Three places you want to go on vacation:
1. Brazil
2. Vienna
3. Africa

Three kid's names you like:
1. Joaquin
2. Jordan (if it's a girl)
3. Sebastian

Three things you want to do before you die:
1. skydive
2. publish an erotic tagalog novel
3. pay off all my immediate family's debts. :P

Three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
1. i throw a football better than most boys
2. i can be an electrician, a mechanic, and a plumber at home if need be.
3. i can change the 5 gallon water bottle for our water dispenser without batting an eyelash or breaking a sweat

Three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. i cry. all the time
2. i go to pieces when i see hugh jackman
3. i like seeing men with nice butts in tight jeans. :P

Three celeb crushes:
1. hugh jackman
2. richard gutierrez :P
3. keannu reeves

------------------------------------------

I now tag the following people:

whoever wants to answer this. :)

finally

got to transfer some pictures from my pocket pc to my computer. here are a couple i said i'd post:


me and neil. sigh. don't mind the date though. the battery winked out on me. (yes that's snooky serna sitting at the back, although for the life of me i couldn't figure out what she was doing there.)




hehehe. my birthday celebration. nobody else was looking. saisaki along edsa.

don johnson, is that you?

a couple of weeks ago, the office issued a dress down policy for fridays. since most of the occupants of the building dress down on fridays, i thought it most appropriate that we follow suit.

but check out the friday attire.

2.0 GUIDELINES

For the purpose of defining acceptable office attire, we classify the following dress code corresponding to the workdays:

Regular Business Attire : Monday – Thursday
Casual Attire : Friday
Dress Down Day : Saturday


2.1 Monday to Thursday Dress Code

All employees shall wear the appropriate business attire from Monday to Thursday.

Inappropriate attire such as, but not limited to the following are not allowed during these days:

2.1.1 Denim pants (pants, overall, polo and skirts)
2.1.2 Carpenter/Cargo pants
2.1.3 Cropped or Capri pants
2.1.4 Jogging/athletic pants
2.1.5 Short pants or skorts (shorts in skirt style)
2.1.6 Tee shirts (with or without collar)
2.1.7 Micro-mini skirts
2.1.8 Tank tops/spaghetti strap tops and backless tops
2.1.9 Rubber shoes/sneakers (tennis shoes, bowling shoes, golf shoes, and the like)
2.1.10 Slippers/sandals (rubber, beach, or leather)
2.1.11 Hiking boots
2.1.12 Safety/construction shoes
2.1.13 Flat slip-ons/mules (less than 1 inch heel)
2.1.14 Clogs and flip-flops/Japanese slippers


2.2 Friday Dress Code

During Fridays employees may wear smart casual clothes. Restrictions set forth in Section 2.1 are relaxed for items 2.1.1, 2.1.2, 2.1.3, and 2.1.9 above.

2.3 Saturday Dress Code


Saturday is considered as dress down day. Employees can wear any attire they are comfortable in; however, wearing of vulgar, offensive, or obscene clothing is prohibited.

heyng? we can wear jeans and rubbershoes, but no t-shirts, collar or no collar? sure they posted some suggested combinations for the friday thing. i wish i could get a copy just so i can post it here. the combinations look good, but you have to be wearing a lacoste shirt, marks and spencer pants, and diesel shoes or any other permutation of the same brands for the combinations to work. duh.

they want us to become fashion victims.

ha! they thought they'll get the better of me! ha! i used to watch miami vice too!

i figured the best way to get around the no-t-shirt policy is to wear a blazer over the shirt.

so, if you see someone wearing white rubbershoes, casual pants, a t-shirt and a blazer on a friday, that would be me. solving crime.

a break from tradition

for how many years now i have been celebrating my birthday in exactly the same way. i send my friends text messages with the following missive:

"spaghetti and chicken. my house"

friends from high school, college, and law school show up. and recently, office mates. we do the same thing - eat up a storm, drink till the wee hours of the morning.

it was a constant thing, and one i looked forward to every year. there is comfort in habit and tradition.

this year, however, was different. we didn't have a maid to clean up after the mess we were bound to make, and dennis (chief cook on my birthdays) was leaving for abroad the next day. he shouldn't get tired. and i was coming from work.

so my sister decided to just eat out.

i hesitated, initially. some of the hesitation sprung from my reluctance to spend so much, and some from my reluctance to break my birthday party tradition (a tradition in my head, that is).

we went anyways, my sister offering to foot the bill, and me convincing myself it was bound to be fun.

it was fun. we ended up in saisaki/dads/kamayan, eating buffet. there was a group of singers there, with 2 guitars and one big guitar (don't know what it's called). they serenaded us, we requested for "dancing queen" and "sasakyan kita" just for the heck of it.

then we played billiards. i played a bad game, but it was all in good fun. the bikini open at the billiard hall was not in good fun though. still, when we could ignore them already, we did.

i went home smiling, and happy. change is not a bad thing, i said to myself. sure we didn't get our spaghetti and chicken. or drink till morning. but the important elements were there -- two of my sisters, my brother in law, my sister's boyfriend, my friends who mattered - i couldn't ask for more.

thank you. this birthday will go down in the books as one of the best.

why i didn't sleep a wink.

the night before my birthday i went out with my sister and her boyfriend. around midnight the text messages came in, and the guy singing up front greeted me, and i got kisses all around.

we went home around 2 am and i went back to reading my book. around 430 am, i decided to just wait for the sunrise -- so i went outside, looked for a good place to perch on, and waited for the sun.

it was a marvelous morning. i watched the mist over the fields settle, then dissipate. i watched the shadowed trees turn green with the coming of the light. where i initially i saw bats, i saw birds.

i felt the air becoming a little warmer and i reveled at the miracle that is called sunrise. i felt like i was the only person awake in the whole wide world.

then i saw lights coming on in my neighbors' houses. i heard the sounds and smelled the aroma of cooking. showers being turned on.

the world was waking up around me.

eventually i went back to the house and continued reading. i didn't get a nap till about 3 pm. over 30 hours awake and i was still smiling.

spent time with myself, and that, i think, was the perfect gift i could have gotten.

turning 30 wasn't so bad. :D it still isn't.

the half-blood prince

just finished reading the new harry potter book. don't worry, no spoilers here. it's just that... sigh.

woohoo!!!

we're having another baby! (still not me.) go figure. :D