pang tanggal ng pagod at sama ng loob

labor of love

3 days of baking, and practically not sleeping paid off. how's this for an alternative career?

sigh.

yes it's good to be home

Tagged by April

1. Boy - Book of Love
2. Rejoice - U2
3. All These Lives - Chris Daughtry
4. Circle of Life - (Lion King OST)
5. Imagine - John Lennon
6. Learning How to Fly - Tuck and Patti
7. T.L. AKO SA YO - CINDERELLA (hahahahha! i swear, i love my playlist)
8. The Best - Tina Turner
9. Chu-chi Face - (Chitty Chitty Bang Bang OST)
10. Old Apartment - Barenaked Ladies

what does this say about me? hehehe

turkey day

it's my first thanksgiving, since it's a holiday that is not celebrated in the philippines. since i'm here, i might as well join the festivities. so i've made flan to feed about 20 people, and i'm waiting for the ribs to cook. we're having ribs for lunch.

while cooking earlier, i got to thinking about what i'm thankful for. it turns out, i have a LOT to be thankful for. from the tiniest thing like being able to scratch my back, to the big ones concerning family. so here's my list:



the tiny stuff--

i am thankful that...
1. i can scratch my back without pulling a muscle
2. my front teeth have never been subjected to root canals
3. my skin is not prone to acne (thank you parental genes)
4. i am able to touch type
5. i can still see my toes
6. i do not fidget
7. i can jump start a car
8. i have good night vision

the medium stuff--

i am thankful that...
1. i am able to eat regular meals
2. my parents put me through school
3. i am healthy enough to work
4. i speak excellent english and tagalog, and passable ilocano :P
5. i was born pinoy

the big stuff--


i am thankful for...
1. my mom and dad
2. the best sisters any one can ever have
3. friends
4. the blessed life i've had (yes, despite the laments)
5. µ¥ ∫ø≈.

thanks Big Guy. for everything.

whiner's block

this phrase popped into my head this morning, and a quick google search turned up quite a few results. i didn't read the results, though, as i think i have my own definition.

whiner's block is what happens when you have nothing to whine about, or too much.

i think i have the latter. too much to whine about that i don't even know where to begin.

sigh. quick question.

if i whine about whiner's block does that mean i don't have whiner's block?

firestorm

the lights went out at approximately 11 in the evening last night. since i come from a country where power outages are more or less the norm, i thought nothing of it. i chalked it up to the wailing winds. most like, i thought to myself, it's just a safety precaution.

the silence in the apartment, however, meant that i could hear everything outside. it didn't take long for me to make out the sounds of choppers and sirens. my sister thought it was a car chase along the highway. i agreed.

it wasn't until around 1 am when the lights came back on that we were able to watch the news. the mountains behind the apartment complex were on fire. had it just been my sister, her husband, and myself, we would have waited it out. but we had baby mac. so we had to go.

i had always wondered what i would bring if i had to leave the house in a haste for one reason or another. i knew that my laptop was going, of course. plus my ipod which doubled as an external hard drive. my sister piled some clothes into a big bag.

i looked at my backpack which held all my chargers and electronic stuff. i considered what else to bring. pictures. my passport. my small journal. my rabbit necklace.

and that was it. i guess i'm fortunate that most of my stuff have more or less taken permanent residence in my backpack as i've been living out of a bag for a few months now. easy access.

i realized then that i've pretty much gotten rid of my packrat tendencies. or perhaps tamed them. i left my new books, clothes, small items that i would've taken with me had this happened last year. instead i packed food, in case we got stuck somewhere while in the car. i packed toothbrushes, my contact lenses, spare eyeglasses. water. soda. cooked rice and the banana bread i had baked that afternoon.

i packed necessities, and traveled light. before 3 am we were out of there.

we stopped along the road to configure our navigator because they had blocked the freeways. i took a quick photo with my phone. pardon the blur. the winds were too strong. i could smell the smoke, and strangely, it reminded me of christmas in baguio. burning pine wood.


our apartment complex is located at the foreground, where the lights are.

right now the fire is 20% contained. 8000+ acres have been burned. 1400 firefighters have gone out to help. 600 homes burned to the ground. i can only pray it gets no worse.

for now i'm glad we're safe and together, and we had a house we could go to. i pray for all those who are not as fortunate.

the idiot box

i have always been a big fan of the written page, not so much the boob tube. i'd take a book any day over movies.

since i got here, however, it seems like i've been spending most of my time watching tv. it could be because i've run out of books to read and the tv is more accessible than the nearest bookstore.

or it could be because the mindless exercise of sitting in front of the tv is just that -- mindless.

for the past few months i have had a lot of need for mindless entertainment, and the tv has happily obliged.

it actually kept me sane.

so i guess i'll be a bit more tolerant of the idiot box. i have a lot to thank it for. :)

now all i need is a bowling ball.

tick tock

people have been going at me to get married. you're not getting any younger is a phrase that has gotten old really quick.

it's funny. way back in high school, and college, and even in law school, my dad was worried i'd get pregnant out of wedlock, and probably have to get married because of it.

wonder of wonders, all my sisters are married with kids, and here i am, single and currently unattached.

i've had relatives telling their friends that i'm single and available and that i need a man.

correction. i don't need a man.

and really, i don't. i want one, maybe. i have my profession, my health, my family. i'm in a position right now to just go and do what i can and want to do.

but i do want to have kids, and soon. sayang naman ang lahi ko. :P

so... i will probably decide to have them, husband or not. it will probably make my parents cringe. or not.

who knows?

historic events

i don't know if it's just me, or i just manage to be at the right place at the right time.

when i was in italy, pavarotti died. on my way to australia, steve irwin died. i was in new york when wall street took a dive. and yesterday, the first african american president got elected.

it would be a totally egotistical claim that my presence in these places caused these events. (but since this is my blog, i am allowed to think it. hehehe)

still, though, it is nice to be somewhat part of these historic events. i should make those shirts that say "______________________(insert event here). i was there."

election 2008

election day back home is a big event. it's a non-working day, and police and military presence mandatory.

here it's business as usual, and there's a 16-hour marathon of house.

hmmm. elections and a house marathon. sounds like a good plan.

i do hope things remain peaceful.

how i want to be forgotten

a poem by christina rosetti. i had this written in my notebook when i was in college. i just came across it in a facebook post. still triggers memories.

Remember

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad

how cute is this???

the california props

i've been in california on and off for the past 4 months. in that span of time i have seen a lot of informercials regarding this or that proposition, denominated by a number.

from what i understand the proposition system is a way for the state residents to vote on amendments to the state constitution. (correct me if i'm wrong)

interesting, isn't it? i do not know enough to speculate on the effectivity of such a system so i will just go by what i've seen.

as i've said, infomercials for the pros and cons of a particular proposition abound, sometimes one on top of the other. however, one particular proposition seems to have gone beyond the idiot box.

of all the proposition infomercials i've seen, only one particular proposition seems to have urged people to take to the streets. or at least it is the only one i have witnessed.



proposition 8. a proposition that would insert the following words into california's constitution:

Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.

whoa. this after that big do over ellen and portia's wedding (o di ba close kami).

a vote of yes would include that proposition. a vote of no would junk it.

the infomercials on voting yes put emphasis on the negative effect of same-sex marriages on children, and on the concept of traditional marriage.

the no camp's infomercials say, however, that getting married is a fundamental right that should not be restricted, regardless of who you want to marry.

my nephew kevin asked me what i thought.

i don't know if i should even go down the fundamental rights road, or the traditional marriage route. i probably wouldn't be able to come to a decent conclusion based on those arguments. any logical mind would be able to make a convincing play for either one.

i can't make a conclusion based on logic. but i do know that i've known same sex couples practically all my life, and some of them have married.

they are no different than straight couples, they have the same joys, woes, and concerns as regular people. they love just as much, and hurt just as much. and they have the right to live their lives and pursue happiness.

put yourself in their shoes. how would you feel?

if i were to vote here (thankfully not), i'd vote no. but that's me.

so, there's my two cents' worth.

drum roll please...........

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, i'm back!

this blog needs a new name. a new theme. any suggestions?

signing off

till i get my head straight. see you soon.

parang sobrang kulang

2585 days.

on feeling ugly

the other day a friend of mine asked me if there were days when i felt ugly. i responded and said, yes, i've been having weeks of it.

i don't really know what brings it on, but lately, i've been feeling ugly, and worse, unwanted.

it's nothing i can really explain. i cannot point to any one thing or person and say that person/thing is the cause of this feeling.

i can't. i wish i could, then i could just address the thing.

i've felt this before. more times than i can count. my only consolation is that the feeling passes, sometimes quickly, sometimes after multiple sessions with my good friend red horse, and a good beating on the head.

seriously though, i am thankful it goes away. i don't think i could deal with feeling ugly for a long long long time. sabi nga ng nanay ko, "wala akong anak na pangit" (as my mom says "i do not have ugly children.")

.....

Someone Else's Story

Long ago
In someone else's lifetime
Someone with my name
Who looked a lot like me
Came to know
A man and made a promise
He only had to say
And that's where she would be
Lately
Although her feelings run just as deep
The promise she made has grown impossible to keep
And yet I wish it wasn't so
Will he miss me if I go?

In a way
It's someone else's story
I don't see myself
As taking part at all
Yesterday
A girl that I was fond of
Finally could see
The writing on the wall
Sadly
She realized she'd left him behind
And sadder than that she knew he wouldn't even mind
And though there's nothing left to say
Would he listen if I stay?

It's all very well to say you fool it's now or never
I could be choosing
No choices whatsoever

I could be
In someone else's story
In someone else's life
And he could be in mine
I don't see
A reason to be lonely
I should take my chances
Further down the line
And if
That girl I knew should ask my advice
Oh I wouldn't hesitate she needn't ask me twice
Go now!
I'd tell her that for free
Trouble is, the girl is me
The story is, the girl is me

-from Chess, the musical

i am so getting a kick out of this

when i was in new york with my aunt we got stopped by a guy who asked if we wanted our photos up on times square. we initially said no, but eventually i went back and said to hell with it, i won't be coming back any time soon, so i might as well. so here it is. my photo up on times square, taken from another building. i just got the photos today.:



oh, and visit this site.

it's supposed to be "i love to blog." oh well. :D back to work.

yey!

free laptop battery from battery exchange. yey!

wii, bacardi, and things i must do before i die

my sister and her kids have a wii console, which i heard is quite the rage. and rightly so. after the first time i tried it, i was hooked.

tennis got me hooked, and boxing. the kids laugh at me because i can't just do a flick of the wrist thing. i MUST have footwork. and sometimes, the living room is just not big enough.

the wii fit is also interesting, even though it said i was practically obese (obese, i think, is a state of mind. but that's me). i rock at hula-hoop, and the yoga exercises, but dodging a virtual soccer ball is just not my thing.

i am currently resting after two rounds of tennis with a virtual player. i lost both games and i'm a bit winded. it doesn't help that i'm on my nth glass of bacardi and shasta.

oh, things i must do before i die:

1. skydive
2. learn to play the guitar
3. get certified as a diver
4. write a novel, no matter how sucky.
5. finish that 2 liter bottle of bacardi.

coherent thoughts are becoming few and far between. till next.

guess who was hanging around central park?

*kilig*

here you go matt. :)

Photo Shoot Out 2 Brickfish

if matt wins, he'll have money to add to his college fund. so please vote. :)

when subject and verb argue

compliments of the fox news marquee.

on subway rides and people

i took my first subway ride the last monday when i went to meet up with lily. she gave me instructions on how to get to where i was supposed to go, so armed with a piece of paper with instructions on it, i ventured out into the big bad world.

the first thing i noticed was that most people had earphones plugged into their ears, which was not surprising considering that i had the same things attached to my head like aberrant tentacles. when i sat down i proceeded to people-watch, a "hobby" i got into to alleviate boredom while waiting.

people hardly look at you when you get on the subway. nor do they look at you during the trip. they get immersed in their own world, wearing their weary i've-been-sitting-here-forever-i-can't-wait-to-get-home look. being a tourist i am pretty sure i didn't wear that look, or at least i hope not. i avoided eye contact. i didn't think they would appreciate a stare from me.

a few minutes later an old man with a trolley and a saxophone came on. i felt a tug around the area of my heart as i noticed the careful way he held his sax, and how his fly was open even though his shirt looked carefully tucked in. he leaned onto a hand rail, switched the gadget in the trolley on and proceeded to play.

the trolley had a player which started blaring out an accompaniment to the man's "the lady is a tramp" rendition. he was surprisingly good and i found myself switching my ipod off to listen. the lady seated in front of me looked at me, made eye contact, and smiled. we were the only people who gave change to the guy. i wanted to clap, but realized it was probably not welcome. the old guy made a tiny bow of thanks when we gave change, and hopped off at the next stop.

several people came on, asking for money/food for some reason or the other. i did my best to not listen as guilt flooded my being. i know that they were probably just scams but a nagging voice at the back of my head kept saying "what if it's true?"

i kept my built at bay and my wallet hidden. and then a tall black man came in. he had no thumbs and said he had had them blown off by a bomb when he was in the service. he now coached some team or another, and was not doing drugs or booze. he asked for change and the lady at the corner who had ignored all the people getting on or off gave him some change. the guy graciously said thank you and said that if the rest didn't have change, he would take a smile.

i could do that! so i smiled at him and he smiled right back, telling me i had a nice smile. the people seated in front of me stayed stoic and he called them the no-smiling section. that made me smile again and on his way out he looked over at me and told me to have a nice day.

i got off the train smiling and feeling a bit less guilty.

it's amazing how people react to things. i guess i enjoyed the people watching and i think i learned a bit more about people in general. who would have guessed? all in the span of one metro ride.

accidental fan

i have never been a fan of tennis. i mean, i used to watch it with my mom but that was it. it's not that i don't like the sport. it's just that i get TOO involved and more often than not i end up jumping on the couch and shouting like a madwoman. incidentally, i have the same reaction when i watch movies, particularly the thriller and suspense, and the horror genre.



anyways, i arrived in new york last saturday and i found out that the semifinals for the US open was ongoing. i shrugged it off. then i found out that they had to move the finals to monday because of the rains. i was going to be in brooklyn monday. we managed to get tickets at a not so steep price and off we went.

i was rooting for federer, but when andy murray started playing like he wasn't there in that court, i found myself screaming and cheering for murray. if only to watch a longer game. it got to the point that i was praying his game would pick up. my knees felt weak, my heart was pounding, and i felt a panic attack coming. (i told you i get involved.)


unfortunately, federer won in 3 sets. and i stood up and cheered with the rest of the crowd.




it was my first live tennis match and though it could have been better, it was still a memorable experience for me. and the fact that harry connick jr. sang at the beginning clinched it for me.



p.s. federer has yummy legs.

da big apol

well i'm here in da city that never sleeps.

first thing i did was try to get US open tickets. failed.

it's raining cats and dogs and i'm just taking time out. and enjoying hearing languages other than english.

till next.

the tourist bit

when i was a first-time traveler i made the mistake of trying to see all the sights i could for the duration of my stay. i found that that kind of strategy only got me tired and sorry that i missed out on the other must-see spots. not to mention the fact that since i was always rushing to get to the next tourist spot, i only had time to pose, snap this or that picture, and leave.

i was always tired after each trip, and i always end up wishing i had stayed a bit longer at the places i had visited.

after a few trips i decided enough was enough. i decided that i was not going to do that anymore. if i could get to a must-see place, i would. but i would not go out of my way to go to those sights if it would mean losing time and missing the point of the entire trip -- having fun.

so here i am. missed seeing disney and universal. but i spent the whole day at seaworld, and having an open schedule was wonderful. i did the arabian nights dinner show and affirmed my love for horses. i spent hours and hours on the beach, and i swam with some kids at the pool. i rode the "kraken" rollercoaster two times in a row.

drove a hummer, ate humongous platters of crab and shrimps, and basically just had a good time.

so maybe i missed out on disney and universal. but i think i spent some quality time having fun and resting. and maybe the things i've missed will be reason for me to come back.

so, here are a few pictures.

Sept 2008 Sked Conspiracy Garden Cafe

Conspiracy Garden Café
59 Visayas Ave., QC (Across Shell Gas Station)
9206517/ 4532170
www.conspi.net

1 (M)- Piano Night w/ Rica Arambulo
2 (T)- Writers Night (Romancing Venus & Matilda)/ Diyosa
3 (W)- Noel Cabangon
4 (Th) – Toto Sorioso
5 (F)- Bayang Barrios & Mike Villegas
6 (Sat)- Cynthia Alexander
7 (Sun)- Gospel Jam (5-8pm)
8 (M) 3P
9 (T) Writers Night (Tagay sa Tagaytay 5)/
Banyuhay ni Heber Bartolome
10 (W) Noel Cabangon
11 (Th)- Paul Galang
12 (F)- Joey Ayala
13 (Sat) Cynthia Alexander
14 (Sun)- Gospel Music Jam (5-8pm)
15 (M)- ULTRASOUND: a benefit concert for Savannah
16 (T) Writers Night (Ony Carcamo & Friends)/
Aiza Seguerra Birthday Gig
17 (W)- Noel Cabangon
18 (Th)- Global Xchange Pinoy: Ambag sa Kapayapaan (6-9pm)/
Albert de Pano
19 (F)- OLIVIA Gentle Jazz Bar Tour
20 (Sat) WHITE INK NYT featuring Triangle Trauma
21 (Sun)- Gospel Jam (5-8pm)
22 (M)- Piano Night w/ Rica Arambulo
23 (T)- Writers Night (Del Poesia)/Banyuhay ni Heber Bartolome
24 (W)- Noel Cabangon
25 (Th)- Araw ng Magsasaka
26 (F)- Bayang Barrios & Mike Villegas
27 (Sat)- Pedestrian Stand-up Version 2 with Mike Unson,
Reklamo & Stanley Chi
28 (Sun)- Gospel Jam (5-8pm)
29 (M)- Ray Olaguer
30 (Tues)- Writers Night (Araw ng Alyansa)/ Davey Langit

it's all good

it's raining here in florida, but you know what? my dad's out of CCU, my mom's out of the hospital too.

slowly but surely.

it's really all good. thanks Big Guy. and thank you to all the people who prayed and sent support. i'm blessed.

losing my sanity

it's been a rollercoaster couple of weeks. we had both major and minor events, the most major being my dad having a heart attack last monday.

last year while we were in europe my sister and i received a call from the philippines telling us that my dad needed a bypass. we were shocked. and helpless. and totally useless. i know i felt that way.

this year i felt it again. my dad had suffered a heart attack and my mom was in shock. as soon as i heard the news i stayed very calm and collected but the feelings of shock, helplessness, and uselessness were all there. i told my other sisters very quietly so as not to incite panic.

as i am wont to do when i'm worried or scared, i go to sleep. so i slept for about 5 hours midday and by the time i woke up, my dad had woken up too. the relief was so great i almost cried, but i still ended up cooking and cooking and cooking.

every now and then we come face to face with our parents' mortality. i know i have. but it's a totally different matter when you can't be there with them. i wanted to kick things, punch somebody, scream. but i kept my head last year, and i kept my head last monday.

why is it i always manage to stay sane when i have every right to lose it?

my dad's still under observation and my mom is back to her old self. but it's all good. i have a lot to be thankful for, and i am.

and for what it's worth, i'm thankful i didn't lose my sanity.

get your kicks...

diastema

or a gap between the teeth, most often between the two front teeth.

i have developed this nasty habit of whistling through the gap between my two front teeth. it's not of madonna proportions and i don't think the gap is even noticeable. but air whistles through it and i find myself doing it unconsciously and it irritates the hell out of me.

ugh. UGH!

what was that?

why yes, sometimes i do get crazy and dress up the babies.

magnitude 5.4

that's how strong the earthquake was this morning. they say it's a forewarning of a bigger one to come.

it was weird. i had forgotten that california is sitting on a couple of plates and faults.

ryan had just come home from work and we were getting ready to eat lunch. i had decided to hide under the blankets with baby mac, an unusual thing since i usually just let her sleep in her cot so she doesn't get used to being lugged around.

it was a subtle shaking at first. being an earthquake survivor (baguio city, july 16, 1990), i kept my head and listened a bit. true enough, it stopped and then resumed. i stood up with mac in tow and prepared to either head out or find a safe space in the apartment. it didn't last for long but the phones were down.

way back in 1990 i was a bit cavalier about the earthquake. up until i was able to listen to horror stories about people getting trapped and dying, i didn't panic. i figured i'll go home and be with my family and all would be peachy. when i saw everyone safe, i just shrugged my shoulders and said a quick prayer of thanks.

this morning it felt different. i held a 3-week old baby in my arms, i was in a foreign land, and the rest of my family was half a world away.

i was scared, and enormously thankful that we were okay. as for it being a sample of a bigger one to come, i hope and pray that they are wrong.

my first roadtrip

went on a roadtrip with jv, tina, marmee, and grace. and what do you know, we ended up in vegas and i got to see the hoover dam. :D

pardon the blurry pics.

 

birthday away, year 2

this is the second birthday i spent out of the country. last year i was in holland where the only people i knew were my sister and her husband. i had a lot of visitors, all of them i only met that day. was fun though.

and like last year, i missed everybody at home and the fried chicken and spaghetti that are mainstays in my birthdays.

i'm happy, though, that i'm here with my sister anna and her husband ryan and of course, baby mac.



a couple of days before my actual birthday, we had my formal birthday dinner. no photos, though, but they have a website. we ate at picanha, where brazilian waiters (ampopogi!) with grilled meats impaled on swords go around the tables and offer to give you a slice, or two. :)

on the day of my birthday, my sister let me sleep the day away, then she made me breakfast, and we just lazed around. :) my dream birthday. :)

for dinner, we went to big mama's and papa's pizzeria along ventura blvd. in studio city.

we ordered a 10" pizza each for me and ryan, and ate anna had spaghetti.


it was a good thing we ordered when we did because after we placed our orders, a call came in for 75 extra large pizzas. 30 mins before closing.



they left us largely to our own devices so we just ate a couple of slices, asked for take home boxes and packed the leftovers ourselves. so this was me on my birthday:



i think i did justice to my birthday parties. every year is a different celebration, but you know what? wherever i am, whatever the fare, i never forget to give thanks for another year. after all is said and done, it has still been a blessed life. thank you to the Big Guy up there for my family and friends. sometimes it feels good to just sit back, reflect, and feel loved.

again...all is right in the world

how could things not be right?

sagot kay psyche

centennial ng UP ngayong buwan na ito. nalaman ko lang ang totoong date dahil nagpunta ako sa UP nung wednesday para kumain ng rodic's. hindi makatarungan ang traffic. tapos nakita ko na may mga nakapaskil na poster na centennial nga ng up. ok. fine. u-turn kami.

anyway, nabasa ko ang post ni psyche kanina: bumibigat ang aking kaliwang kamao.

madami sigurong nakaka-relate, at isa na ako dun. actually medyo tinamaan ako eh.

pero napaisip ako. bakit nga ba ako nag-UP? naging anti-establishment ba ako talaga? samantalang ang nagpaaral sa akin ng ilang taon ay subsidy mula sa gobyerno dahil barangay kapitana ang nanay ko? at matapos nun, naging konsehal naman ang tatay ko?

bukod sa subsidy ng gobyerno sa bawat mag-aaral ng UP, sweldo ng mga magulang ko galing gobyerno. may karapatan ba ako noon na maging anti-establishment?

wala siguro. pero yung tanong na bakit ako nag-UP, madaling sagutin. gusto kong matuto.

at marami akong natutunan, kahit iskul bukol ako na nadi-dismiss sa college of engineering every sem, hanggang sa natuluyang nasipa nung end ng third year ko, at matinding himala at dasal ang nagpatapos sa akin sa law school. pero hindi lang academics ang natutunan ko sa UP. mas madami akong natutunan na alang kinalaman sa akademiya.

ang natutunan ko talaga sa UP:

1. ala talagang black and white
2. hindi lahat ng nasa gobyerno, kurakot
3. hindi lahat ng nasa NGO, honest
4. hindi lahat ng makabayan, mapagkakatiwalaan
5. hindi lahat ng relihiyoso, naniniwala sa Diyos
6. hindi lahat ng naniniwala sa Diyos, mabait
7. hindi lahat ng di naniniwala sa Diyos, masama
8. hindi lahat ng magaling magsulat, magaling magsalita
9. hindi lahat ng magaling magsalita, magaling magsulat
10. hindi lahat ng di marunong magbasa, mangmang
11. hindi lahat ng pagkain sa kalye, madumi
12. hindi lahat ng madungis, nakakatakot
13. hindi lahat ng malinis, mabait
14. hindi lahat ng mabango, masarap
15. hindi lahat ng mamahalin mo, mamahalin ka pabalik
16. hindi lahat ng magmamahal sa yo, mamahalin mo
17. hindi lahat ng matalino, marunong
18. iyakin din pala ako pag nakataas ang kaliwang kamay sa UP naming mahal tuwing natatalo ang fighting maroons
19. kahit ilang beses nang natatalo ang fighting maroons, masakit pa rin sa kalooban
20. kahit 0-7 na ang standing, umaasa pa rin ako na mananalo sila at mag-cha-champion
21. ...


mahaba ang listahan, at di lahat naaalala ko. pero yun nga, wala talagang black and white...at malamang matagal bago mag-champion ang fighting maroons.

tanong ni psyche, anong klaseng tao ba ang dapat hinuhulma ng UP?

hindi ko alam. minsan ang sarap sabihin na ako, yung tulad ko. pero namaaaaaaaan, ang yabang ko naman masyado, di ba, samantalang ang nakasisiguro lamang ako ay... maganda ako. :P (blog ko to, alang kokontra)

pero kung ano man ang dapat produkto ng UP, sana, bilang minimum requirement, ay ang sumusunod sa blubuk- HONOR EXCELLENCE.

siguro, sa pagitan niyang dalawang yan, may asenso at pag-asa.

at balang-araw, mananalo rin ang fighting maroons.


hapi centennial, UP. sana maging karapat-dapat akong produkto mo.

-tina b.
**-77947
**-40603

ang online burol, bow

this morning on my way to a lunch meeting i passed in front of a funeral home. this is not an uncommon occurrence, as there are a lot of funeral homes everywhere. what struck me, though, was this huge tarpaulin sign that said:

ONLINE BUROL

huh? of course i almost damaged my neck in the cab, first from the whiplash when i took a hurried second look, and then from trying to get a better view from inside the moving vehicle. i decided i'll just look it up when i get home. it sounded like a hoax.

so i searched for it and lo and behold, here it is: st. peter life plan, inc. e-burol

my gas! the tarpaulin poster was shitting me not.

initially i thought it was a tacky tacky marketing scheme. but then i realized that filipinos abroad really would appreciate something like this, specially when they can't go home for a wake or burial.

but even though i understand the concept behind it, hysterical mirth keeps threatening to overcome me when i think about the e-burol. i keep thinking how it would be too much like watching tv. how surreal it must be.

oh well, whatever rocks your boat. medyo creepy lang talaga. basta ako ayoko ng lamay, ha. online or otherwise.

ang bata

it was appropriate then, it's appropriate now.

i first heard this song when i was 12, i think, at the UP baguio himigsikan, an annual choral singing contest that the (then) college had. i don't know if they still have it now though.

anyways, i heard it again when i joined a retreat called SADE, or the sons and daughters encounter (i think i got that right) of the christian family movement. i could never get all the words memorized, though, but i remember laughing at the phrase "ang bata, may muta, tinunaw na ng kanyang luha..." i found it hysterical that time.

last year when i started going out again i heard one of the folk singers here in baguio, jun utleg, sing it during his set. i've been asking for it since. i heard that he released an album with a cover of that song.

i bought the album today [support local music!] and i wasn't disappointed. although now the phrase that used to get me almost crying from laughter depresses the hell out of me.

"ang bata, may muta, tinunaw na ng kanyang luha...mataas na ang sikat ng araw sa silangan, wala pa rin si ama." nyeta.

i still like the song, though. the cd case says it was composed by a ferdie dimaano. galing mo, ser.

enjoy the song, people.




ang bata, may dalang isang laruang lata
hila-hila sa kalsadang makipot at sira pa
butas ang damit, marumi ang ayus niya
siya ang bagong pilipino.

ang bata, may muta tinunaw na ng kanyang luha
panis na laway, naghihintay sa kapirasong pandisal
ngunit mataas na ang araw sa silangan
wala pa rin si ama.

ang bata nakayakap, dinarama ang init ni ina
malakas na ulan, malakas na kulog, tinatakot siya
pinto ng bahay, bubungang sira-sira
ang tanging karamay niya.

ang bata nakatingala at nakatingkayad sa bintana
siya'y nakasilip at nakikinig sa gulo sa labas
bakit ang buhay, kay ingay, kay gulo
natutulig na ako.

ang bata, ang bata, kawawang mga bata
saan sila patutungo, saan papunta?
dito ba sa buhay puno ng kaguluhan
puno ng kasawian.

ang bata, may dalang isang laruang lata
hila-hila sa kalsadang makipot at sira pa
butas ang damit, marumi ang ayus niya
siya ang bagong pilipino.

on growing up part 2

i seem to have lost some important papers and in my quest for the lost papers, i came across a tretorn box. it looked familiar and when i opened it, i saw a bundle of citibank bills, all unopened. must have arrived while i was out of the country.

under the bundle of bills, there were a lot of notes, written on torn notebook paper, letters and cards. all from the other ex.

i read through about 3 or 4 notes and cards. i have not spoken or heard from him in almost 2 years, mainly because his wife gets into a fit every time he does.

strange that he was the one i was with the longest, and yet he's the one i have no contact with. i have managed to stay friends with my exes, see.

i didn't mind the lack of contact. frankly, i've written him off. i would always just shrug my shoulders and shake the thought of him off, like a half remembered dream.

this morning, however, i found myself missing him. maybe it was because of the letters, or maybe because i suddenly remembered how thoughtful and loving he was. i had forgotten.

i used to think that missing him meant i still felt something "girlfriend-y" and i refused to let myself miss him, or even think about him, unless it was to rant.

when i looked at the box and the contents, i just let it flow over me, and i just let myself miss him. it felt good, i'm surprised to admit. it's been too long since i let myself feel anything for him other than a mild frustration.

well there it is. i miss him and i do hope he is well.

on growing up.

got a message the other day from the ex-could-have-been-the-one inviting me to attend the birthday party of his kid.

i waited for the pang and the slight twinge of pain i always felt when he sends me a message. i waited for the tiny sliver of envy that always manages to sneak its way into my heart every time i think of him as married, and me as single.

i waited and waited. nothing came.

i sat there and stared at my phone and decided it was a good time to receive a message of that nature from someone i had once imagined spending the rest of my life with.

with a tiny smile i sent my regrets and an advanced happy father's day greeting. he responded with a thank you and a smile.

and that, i thought, was that.

crunch time or "what happens when you procrastinate"

who you calling pig?

had a baby shower for my sister yesterday. since the "coming soon" baby is a girl, we decided on pink and white balloons. we found those long balloon things that clowns twist to form animals.

on a whim i decided to look for instructions on balloon twisting on the net. i had success making a balloon dog but the picture of the animals below, albeit incomplete, shows my best efforts yet. :D i'm so proud.

si manang mani

matagal ko nang nabalitaan na na-feature si manang mani sa mel & joey, ang talk show sa gma-7. di ko nga lang napanood.

kanina napanood ko na sya finally sa sayote republic.

si manang mani, nakita na ata akong tumanda, at lumaki (at oo, tumaba). simula first year high school, hanggang sa gumradweyt ako, kumakain ako ng mangga na benta ni manang mani.

ganito yan. ang baon ko, 5 pesos. ang mangga, 5 pesos. so pupunta ako sa kanya bago ako papasok. kakain ako ng mangga ng 730 ng umaga. tapos babayaran ko yun. wala na akong baon ng hapon kaya kinabukasan na ako ulit kakain ng mangga.

eh nalaman ko na nagpapautang pala si manang mani. kaya ang naging gawain ko ng apat na taon, uutang ako ng mangga sa umaga kasi yung baon ko, ibabayad ko sa inutang kong mangga nung nakaraang hapon. apat na taon akong pinapautang ni manang mani. at hindi sya naniningil. nagbabayad kami ng kusa. hindi naman ganoon kalaki ang kinikita sa mani at mangga. pero ni minsan hindi nagdamot si manang.

minsan, uupo ako dun para magsumbong o magkwento kay manang. nung bawal pa akong mag-boyfriend, kay manang ako nagbibilin para dun sa boyfriend ko. nasubaybayan niya na rin ang lablayp ko at ang buhay ng mga kapatid ko na nag-aral din sa up. gaya nung sabi sa video, nag-iiwan din ako ng gamit kay manang. o nag-iiwan ng gamit para sa akin doon sa pwesto nya.

ngayon, di na ako umuutang. pumupunta na ako kay manang mani para kumain ng mangga, at umorder ng alamang. may pambayad na kasi ako ngayon.

nakakatuwa. naging simbolo para sa marami si manang mani. isa syang taong marangal, mabait, mapagmahal, mapagbigay. buti naipakita sa mas marami kung paano dapat ang isang tao.

ngayon ko lang nalaman na lolita pala ang pangalan ni manang mani. pero para sa kin, si manang mani pa rin sya.

i lab you manang.

Pilipinas kong mahal

i ate too much during lunch so i decided to walk to the mediation center from the office. it was a good 15 minute walk, no mean feat when you consider the tiny heels supporting my not-so-tiny-food-enhanced frame.

borce went with me and during the walk we noticed several posters mounted on the inside of the establishments lining session road. it said "Pilipinas kong Mahal" or loosely (i think) "Philippines my Love." i prefer My Beloved Philippines.

it struck me in its simplicity. i considered it a bonus that there is absolutely nothing written on the front or back indicating which agency, government or otherwise, had the posters and stickers printed out and distributed.

it got me thinking. i have had my share of statements along the lines of "hay, pilipino kasi," or "ang mga pinoy talaga," always in the same exasperated and frustrated tone. i have also had my share of "why can't we be like the __________ (insert nationality here)?."

but i also have instances when i get frustrated, i get pissed, and i just want to get up and just strangle someone and say nakakahiya ka, pinoy ka pa naman.

often i feel the misery and fear of living here. to think that i am gainfully employed, and i have food and shelter. i don't have to worry about what i will eat tomorrow or the next day, or even next week. but i feel the misery, albeit vicariously, and i see it everyday.

when my high school classmate sam asked me why i don't leave this forsaken place (his words, not mine), i said "mahal ko pa ang pilipinas, but ask me again in 2 years" and we both left it at that.

when i saw the posters i got struck a bit and felt almost weepy. that's it. that's why i'm still here. (but like i said, ask me again in 2 years.:)

in the meantime, suffice it to say that the poster stirred up very deeply rooted feelings of pride and nationalism. i wouldn't go so far as to say that it stirred me enough to take a big bolo and take a swipe at the head of... let's not go there. it stirred me.

well, enough to have my picture taken at least. so here it is. "Pilipinas kong Mahal"

Daywalker

finally. i'm back in the land of the daywalkers.

for those who didn't know, i had a stint with a call center for the past 5 months. i now have a newfound respect for people who have been working the graveyard shift for more than 2 weeks because really, it almost did me in. but the agents kept going, and i couldn't help but admire it.

i thought i was going to get used to it but no such luck.

so now here i am. awake during daylight, and i look forward to sleeping at night.

and i have decided to go back to blogging. (as of press time, this is my decision.)

see you all.

greed

i have never understood it. i've seen it but i have never understood it.

and the fact that i see it in my family galls me more than i can ever explain.

sangandaan

kaya mong maging dakila

video courtesy of tado

hanggang sa susunod na red horse, noe.

noe tio, june 26, 1961 - february 11, 2008

it all happened so fast. last saturday, february 2, noe, chris, and i were out celebrating chris's birthday.

february 9, 2008, i was on my way to la union to celebrate my nephew's second birthday when chris called me to say that noe had suffered a stroke and was due for a CT scan and surgery.

i came back the next day and went straight to the hospital. noe was in bad shape. so i said my goodbyes and left. he died a few hours later. i visited him at the morgue. he was still warm. pardon me if i seem a bit morbid.

we hung around a while, me with my laptop (i had a hearing at 830), bebang with all her bags in tow (she just came from manila), chris with a smoke and a bottle of water.

he was such a happy soul. i didn't know where he was from, i didn't know his history, i didn't even know how old he was. but it didn't matter because when he was with you you didn't need to know these things. all you needed to know was that he made your soul smile.

noe, mamimiss kita. sayang, hindi ka pa naman seloso. pabaunan kita ng red horse.

*image courtesy of www.joeyayala.com

UP at 100

ripped from Karen.

1. Student number?
92-40603

2. College?
UP Diliman -- College of Engineering (1st 3 years)
-- Office of the University Registrar (hahahah! non-major ako eh.)
-- College of Home Economics
UP Diliman -- College of Law

3. Ano ang course mo?
BS Geodetic Engineering (na-dismiss), B Interior Design; Bachelor of Laws

4. Nag-shift ka ba o na-kickout?
Ah, yes.

5. Saan ka kumuha ng UPCAT?
UP Baguio College Auditorium.

6. Favorite GE subject?
Communication I & II

7. Favorite PE?
Fencing and Arnis

8. Saan ka nag-aabang ng hot guy sa UP?
Sa Sunken Garden. Nung may wall climbing pa sa Main Lib. Butt-watching.

9. Favorite prof(s)
Professor Florendo as Interior Design.

Deans Agabin and Carlota, Prof. Baviera and Prof. Muyot sa Law.

10. Pinaka-ayaw na GE subject.
NatSci 1. Buset.

11. Kumuha ka ba ng Wed or Sat classes?
Rarely.

12. Nakapag-field trip ka ba?
But of course! Naiwanan pa nga ako ng bus.

13. Naging CS ka na ba or US sa UP?
CS pag walang sciences. :))

14. Ano ang Org/Frat/Soro mo?
UP volleyball club. Saver. UPVVC

15. Saan ka tumatambay palagi?
Sa rooftop ng Yia hall. Sunken. Oval. Minsan sa lagoon. :P

16. Dorm, Boarding house, o Bahay?
Dorm, boarding house, at bahay.

17. Kung walang UPCAT test at malaya kang nakapili ng kurso mo sa UP, ano yun?
Marine Biology. Tanga lang kasi ako at di ko alam na merong ganung course.

18. Sino ang pinaka-una mong nakilala sa UP?
Roommate ko sa Kalayaan. Si Dimps. AKA Rumi.

19. First play na napanood mo sa UP?
Taos. Panalo itong play na ito.

20. Name the 5 most conyo orgs in UP
Wala akong alam sa mga ganyan eh.

21. Name 5 of the coolest orgs/frats/soro in UP.
Pwede ba coolest people na lang?

22. May frat/soro bang nag-recruit sa yo?
Yep.

23. Saan ka madalas mag-lunch?
UP Diliman -- Beach House. Casaa. Rodic's. At ang sari-saring Aristocart sa campus.

24. Masaya ba sa UP?
Best years of my life.

25. Nakasama ka na ba sa rally?
Syempre naman.

26. Ilang beses ka bumoto sa Student Council
Taon-taon.

27. Name at least 5 leftist groups in UP
Sus naman.

28. Pinangarap mo rin bang mag-laude nung freshman ka?
A oo. Nanatili syang pangarap.

29. Kanino ka pinaka-patay sa UP?
Hmmm. Nung college, si Wen. Nung wala na kami, si 'Ny.


30. Kung di ka UP, anong school ka?
Di ko alam. Since high school, UP or nothing ako eh. Buti na lang pumasa ako dun.

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